


the one with the emus (or; the one where everyone finds out)

by ninjamcgarrett



Series: the chair and the badge [3]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Crack, Deepthroating, Dirty Talk, Feels, Flashbacks, M/M, Morning Sex, Shakespeare Quotations, Smut, The One Where Everyone Finds Out, brief mention of ash's memories and trauma, imaginations running wild, stamets and reno quote shakespeare and it's great, the disco crew love their captain and their spy, typical star trek experiments and adventures gone awry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:42:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27909175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninjamcgarrett/pseuds/ninjamcgarrett
Summary: “Have we heard from Reno?”“Yeah, sorry about all this, Cap,” came a fuzzy voice from the comms. It sounded as if she were far away due to the interference. “Damn warp core and I are having a disagreement about the laws of physics.”Only Reno, Chris thought wryly, would have the aplomb to remain calmanddeliver a perfect quip after theDiscoveryhad done the ship’s equivalent of a seven on the Richter scale.“Which laws and for how long?” he shot back.
Relationships: Christopher Pike/Ash Tyler | Voq
Series: the chair and the badge [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2011543
Comments: 9
Kudos: 23





	1. break your silence (over my chest)

**Author's Note:**

> This one took a bit longer because what was _supposed_ to be 10k of crack and fluff turned into 22k of crack, smut, feels, and fluff. Rest assured though that the whole fic is very much done and is just in the process of being edited. The rest of the chapters should be posted within a week of the first one.
> 
> The biggest cup of tea to [somehowunbroken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/somehowunbroken) for very patiently putting up with me losing my marbles over this fic, encouraging it, and then being a fantastic beta. <3

Chris woke to an empty bed and a keen sense of missing something vital. Not something, _someone_.

He threw an arm out and patted around beside him but the sheets were cool and there was no brush of warm skin against his fingers. Ash was long gone.

Something lurched in Chris’ chest and he had to fight the urge to flinch from the sharp ache of it. It hadn’t been all that long since they had begun whatever it was they had now fallen into; just about a month and a half really since Chris had found himself asking Ash, “What do you need?” And in that moment, he hadn’t been sure if he had been asking what Ash needed after letting the part of himself still colored by Voq rise to the surface, what he needed from Chris, or both. But when Ash had looked at him, that stormy expression startled and sharp, Chris had known then. He’d been asking on both counts. And when Ash had come to him that night, seemingly pulled by an invisible force — one that tugged just as hard at Chris — the answer had been so clear that Chris wondered how they hadn’t stumbled on it before then. Since that night they had fallen into an easy rhythm that, by all logic, shouldn’t have worked between such different men, and yet, incredibly, it had. 

He had suspected long before that night. Truthfully, he had wondered about Ash and about the idea of them when they had been stuck in the shuttle. The way Ash had jumped when their hands brushed on the control panel, the hooded gaze he’d given Chris; both had stayed with him long after they’d made it back to the _Discovery_ and gained more than those few feet of space between them. Things had thawed between them after that, mellowed and aged from a brash, fiery back-and-forth into something warm but trusting, as if Ash had finally settled in his place as a Section 31 agent and in his opinion of Chris as captain.

Chris, for his part, had finally begun to see the softer side of the double-agent-turned-spy. Watching his crew around Ash had helped him get there much sooner than he would have expected. They were slowly bringing him back into the family that was the crew. He could see it in the way Ensign Tilly absolutely lit up around him and managed to cajole him into a quiet laugh. How First Officer Saru treated him with nothing but dignity and respect, and the way Burnham watched him, careful but with a fondness that was impossible to deny. It had taken time for all of them to get there, but once they had, Ash’s posture had become less rigid, and Chris had found himself drawn more and more to him. Although, he hadn’t missed the bemused looks from the bridge crew when he and Ash verbally sparred on the bridge but without the sharp-tongued heat in the wake of The Shuttle.

Since that first night — when Ash had crawled onto his lap and kissed Chris like he was dying and Chris was the only thing that could save him — any remaining reservations from Chris had vanished. When he had woken up to Ash between his legs, head pillowed on his chest and looking at him with a smile so soft, it made his heart ache in the most beautiful way. Before Ash, he’d never known that a heart could ache in any way that wasn’t pain. And before Ash, he hadn’t known that getting eaten out to within an inch of his life could be _that_ good. It had been worth the soreness the rest of the day, just for the deep-seated satisfaction that Ash had done that, and had clearly enjoyed it just as much as he had.

Nearly all of their nights had been spent together since then. Chris could count all of three nights they had spent apart. Two of them had been due to Section 31 emergencies that had resulted in Ash holed up in his quarters while in conference with other agents. It had taken a long time for his shoulders to come down from around his ears the following mornings, and Chris had taken it as a challenge to do so when Ash crawled into his bed close to dawn, looking haggard and pale. The other night had been a result of Stamets wanting to demonstrate something to do with the spores in his lab, only for the two of them to get stuck in a turbolift afterward. For nearly six hours. Six. Hours. By the time the engineering crew had freed them, and the two of them stumbled out in desperate need of coffee and more space between them, Chris knew more about fungi, the mycelial network, and Tardigrades than he ever wanted to know.

When Chris had recounted the story, Ash, the bastard, had laughed until he gave himself hiccups (which were very adorable, damn him). Chris had staggered back to his quarters after inhaling a quick breakfast, determined to get a short nap before heading for the bridge. He hadn’t expected to find Ash sprawled in his bed though, one arm slung over Chris’ pillow and his dark hair fanned out around his softened features as he slept. He’d woken when Chris had come in and shyly admitted he’d come over to spend some time together, but when Chris had become stuck, he decided to nap while waiting.

“I knew you were going to be just fine,” Ash had said around a yawn. “The engineers know what they’re doing when it comes to turbolifts. Though, Stamets.” He’d shuddered and added, “Did you get a doctorate by proxy after all that time with him?”

That was when Chris had given him the thousand-foot overview of what he and Stamets had talked about, and when Ash had laughed his way into the hiccups. Chris had sighed — and then shoved Ash backward off the bed. Ash had landed in a heap, and had blinked at Chris in surprise for a moment over the side of the mattress, before bursting out into a loud peal of laughter. If Chris had crawled across the bed to lean over and kiss him into silence, well, that was for the two of them to know.

All those moments together and then some — the evenings stretched out side-by-side on the couch while going over separate reports, sharing dinner together, early morning sparring sessions where Ash taught Chris some rather handy Klingon moves — flashed through Chris’ mind now as he finally opened his eyes and contemplated the empty space next to him in bed.

On the mornings Ash had left before Chris, he had kissed Chris awake before handing him a fresh cup of coffee from the replicator. Or cuddled him close one last time while whispering where he was off to before sliding out of bed. 

There were no cuddles that he could remember now. No cup of coffee waiting for him on the nightstand. Not even an old-fashioned note on the pillow.

Ash had relaxed so much in the time they’d been together and Chris tried not to worry now. He really did. This was out of the norm for Ash as he’d known him in the last month and a half, but not for a Section 31 agent who received calls at all hours of the night and day. And it definitely wasn’t out of the norm for a man who had been a POW, plagued with nightmares ever since his return. Chris swallowed down the worry that perhaps Ash had bolted, had changed his mind about them, and sat up instead.

The cool air washed over him and he rubbed a hand up one arm in an attempt to ward off the chill. The black-and-silver badge was missing from the other nightstand and its absence made Chris scrub a hand across his face.

“Hi,” he heard, mid-scrub.

Chris spread his fingers and saw Ash leaning against the doorframe. God but he looked good in those dark sweats and that hooded blue sweater with the sleeves that came down nearly to his knuckles. Ash was holding two cups, both steaming, and looked — small, Chris thought. Not just in the loose clothing, but in the way he held himself, hunched in and just this side of defensive. His eyes were almost unreadable, the hazel depths darker than normal. Almost. Chris had some experience by this point in reading Ash, in translating the language of him.

“Hey,” he replied, voice equally soft. “Double-fisting the caffeine already?”

That earned a quick turn up of Ash’s mouth before he worried the corner of one lip between his teeth.

“Nah, I was bringing this one for you,” Ash said then.

What Chris couldn’t understand was the hesitancy in Ash’s movements, in his gaze. Then it clicked.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” he asked while holding out a hand to him.

Ash sat on the foot of the bed and folded one leg in front of him, the act making him look even smaller.

“You needed the sleep,” Ash explained, eyes down as he thumbed at the rim of one cup.

Chris could see, now that Ash was within reach, that one cup was his coffee — one cream, one sugar — and a lighter brew that smelled of perfectly steeped tea leaves. He curled one hand over Ash’s that was holding his coffee.

“It’s alright, love,” he murmured as he rubbed his thumb over the back of Ash’s hand.

Ash looked up at him then, from under silky hair that had fallen forward, and with a worried gaze.

“Seriously,” Chris continued. “You’re not a bother if you wake me up, especially when it’s the nightmares.”

Something in Ash loosened as he sighed and Chris took the opportunity to cup his cheek. He couldn’t help a smile; Ash was beautiful, stunning at this distance really, and Chris was beginning to wonder if he would ever satisfy the craving to touch him, to look at him, to love him. He hoped that day never came.

“Besides, you waking me up means more time together. I know, I know, we’re technically together when we sleep, but it just means I can remember it when we’re awake.”

Ash laughed, a quiet, fond thing, and Chris felt his heart thrum.

“Okay,” Ash admitted. “I’ll wake you next time.”

“Can I kiss you?” Chris asked.

He knew about Ash’s past, partly from his file and partly from the bits and pieces Ash had haltingly told him when they were together. When Chris had read his file and realized that Ash was an assault survivor, and that the memories still haunted him, he had sworn to do his best never to trigger him. He knew that Ash could be skittish after nightmares, easily spooked and things that wouldn’t normally be a trigger much more likely to be one.

Ash’s whispered, “Please,” put his hesitancy to rest though. Chris shuffled forward until he was half draped over Ash’s legs and pulled Ash’s face down to his level. Ash was warm, so like the sunbaked desert back home, and kissing him when he was soft and pliant like this reminded Chris of walking on sand just touched by the rising rays in the early morning. Chris could taste the black tea on his lips, rich and with a floral undertone, and licked in for more of it. The small noise Ash made, that sounded a hell of a lot like need, made something in Chris clamour for more, now, him. He pushed back on the instinct to drape himself over Ash, blanket him with warmth and kisses and gentle touches until he melted.

He didn’t like it, but he had to. The cups brushing against his shirt were, quite literally, in the way.

Ash pulled back first and leaned his forehead against Chris’ as he blew out a sigh.

“Thanks,” he whispered.

Chris kissed him once more and smiled. “Always. You want to talk about them?”

Ash shook his head, more of a roll back and forth from where he was still leaning against Chris’ forehead. “No, I’m feeling better. Did some _Mok’bara_ once I got up. That helped.”

He bumped his nose against Chris’ and Chris didn’t need to open his eyes to see the smile he could feel. “Kissing you helped too. A lot.”

It was easy then to pull Ash in for a brief kiss. Chris tried to get across what it meant that Ash trusted him with this, with the parts of himself that were jagged and still healing, with how vulnerable he felt after the dreams. Loving Ash — because that’s what it was — was easy, but showing him that without scaring him off, or overwhelming him, was harder.

“God, I love kissing you,” Ash whispered as he pulled back to breathe.

Chris opened his eyes and found Ash looking more than a little dazed, mouth unconsciously shifting into a smile. He took the opportunity to pry one of the cups out of Ash’s hands and sip at it.

“That — that one’s mine,” Ash spluttered, clearly trying to get his brain in gear once more.

Chris laughed and swapped the cups. “Just wanted to taste the original. Black tea and rose petals is a good taste on you.”

Ash’s mouth fell open and Chris sipped his coffee with a smirk, knowing full well what he was doing. So what if he was a bit late getting to the bridge this morning? Based on the look Ash was giving him, it was going to be worth the rush to get dressed after.

Ash was leaning in, intent clear on his features, when Chris’ comm badge chirped from the nightstand. Ash dropped his head with a dramatic sigh and Chris had to work very hard not to laugh as he answered the hail.

“Pike here. What is it, Saru?”

“Good morning, Captain. Lieutenant Commander Reno has informed me she is ready to test the modifications to the warp drive core at your earliest convenience. Shall I proceed with the test?”

Ash leaned in and began to mouth at Chris’ neck.

“Uhm,” he said intelligently, trying to get his brain to focus on Saru’s words and not on Ash’s mouth — which was not easy. “The test just requires, ah, going into warp,” he took a steadying breath and tried his best to glower at Ash from where he was grinning impishly up at him on his shoulder, “and maintaining course heading?”

“You sound out of breath, Captain,” Saru replied instead. “Are you exercising? Should I have Lieutenant Commander Reno wait until later to run the test?”

Ash turned and tried to muffle his snicker in the crook of Chris’ shoulder. “Exercising,” he mouthed up at Chris after, clearly enjoying the hell out of driving Chris mad with the war between his dick and his brain.

“Uhm, no, no, that won’t be necessary, Mr. Saru,” Chris said quickly, hoping to get off the call before _all_ of his brain cells were fried. “Tell her to begin the test. Do you need me on the bridge for anything else?”

Chris inhaled deeply and tried to concentrate on what Saru was saying, instead of the way Ash’s free hand had slipped under the edge of his shirt and was splayed low across his stomach, the tips of his fingers just barely dipping below the waistband of his sweats.

“— not necessary, Captain. We planned to warp to Starbase Nine for supplies, so Reno’s test can occur during the normal warp. No need for you to be on the bridge for the test, sir. If you have other matters to attend to before we reach the starbase, I am more than happy to oversee operations on the bridge.”

When Saru said “other matters”, Ash wiggled his eyebrows at Chris, making him close his eyes and count backward from ten — in Latin. Ash’s fingers were scratching lightly over his skin, making goosebumps break out as he shifted in the bed, trying to remain focused.

“Alright, Saru. You have command of the helm. I’ll be there in an hour or so once I finish what I’ve got on my hands here.”

He cocked an eye at Ash and gave him the full Captain Pike look — arched eyebrow, silent, mild judgement mixed with repressed laughter — and was gratified to see Ash bite his lower lip to stifle a laugh.

“Very well, sir. Saru out.”

The comm badge went silent and Chris very carefully placed it back on the nightstand, along with his coffee, even though he wanted to toss both over his shoulder, consequences and stains be damned.

“Well, Captain,” Ash began, far too pleased with himself, “you’ve got me on your hands. What do you intend to do about it?”

“You’re ridiculous,” Chris sighed as he placed Ash’s cup on the nightstand as well.

“Yeah, yeah, and you love it,” Ash shot back, the grin stretching across his face bright and relaxed.

Chris grabbed him by the shoulders then and flipped them so that Ash landed on the mattress and Chris was leaning over him. He waited to see how Ash would react. Ash had been okay so far with Chris between his legs, with Chris over him, as long as Chris wasn’t riding his dick. He held still, legs bracketing Ash’s thighs, and waited.

“Oh fuck me,” Ash breathed as his pupils went wide.

He hauled Chris down and kissed him, biting and licking by turns.

“Do you,” Chris got out between kisses as he carded a hand through Ash’s hair, “have any idea how hard it was not to moan?”

“Mmm, kinda disappointed you didn’t,” Ash said before he pulled Chris’ lower lip between his teeth and sucked, hard. “Next time,” he hummed after he’d let go.

Chris was panting already, and rolled his hips down, gratified when Ash met him halfway, an equally filthy noise falling from his mouth.

“Would you like that?” Chris asked, hand tight on his hip. “Making me moan? Everyone knowing that their captain likes getting fucked by his boyfriend until he’s incoherent?”

Ash gasped and before Chris could wonder if that was a good or bad sound, Ash had yanked him down to crush their mouths together. He got a leg hiked around Chris’ hips and started grinding up. Chris groaned, his dick so hard that it hurt.

“Boyfriend?” Ash rumbled when he let go of Chris’ mouth, only to latch onto that spot on his neck that was entirely too sensitive for Chris’ sanity. “Got a nice ring to it. Almost as good as the sound you make when I do this.”

Ash raked a hand down his chest and Chris keened as his blunt nails scraped down over skin and sensitized nipples.

“God, you sound so pretty like that,” Ash said. Chris opened his eyes to find Ash watching him, looking practically drunk. “Sound so good for me. Just for me.”

“Just for you,” Chris echoed, yanking Ash’s hips up so they could properly grind together. “Love it when you’re like this, Ash. Look at you — half gone already just from this.”

Ash clung to him, their hips rolling together, and Chris let go so he could smooth a hand up Ash’s chest until he could feel the thrumming pulse in his neck.

“Maybe next time the bridge calls, you’ll be sucking my dick. Would you like that? Trying to get me off, make me moan, while I’m talking to the bridge?”

Ash let out a noise that went straight to his dick and Chris swore before shoving at their pants and shirts, desperate to feel the soft slide of their dicks together. Between the two of them, they managed to get their sweats shoved down far enough that Ash could wrap a hand around both of them. Chris’ arms nearly gave out as sheer relief shot through him. He rocked into Ash’s hand and shivered at the drag of calluses over flushed skin.

“Bet you wouldn’t, oh fuck, wouldn’t have a fucking hair out of place while I did,” Ash grunted. “Bet you’d sound so fucking _normal_ while you came down my throat.”

The image hit Chris then of Ash between his legs, as he deepthroated him and looked up with those big eyes nearly black with heat. With the tight grip of Ash’s hand on his dick now, it was all too easy to imagine the hot, wet feel of Ash’s mouth around him, the suction and drag as he bobbed back and forth.

“Not. Possible.” Chris bit out. “They’d — fuck, they’d probably send Security. I’d be yelling up a storm, coming down your throat like that.”

Ash’s face flushed and he licked his lips. Chris chased the sheen left behind, could still taste the tea in his mouth, and he wanted to drown in the feel of him everywhere now. Ash’s free hand was on his back, holding him close as they rocked together into his fist. The tips of his fingers were pressed tight along the line of his back, five points lighting him up and lighting the way toward the orgasm already rolling through his veins.

“So close,” he gasped. “C’mon, Ash, don’t hold back.”

Ash moaned as he threw his head back and picked up the pace with his hand. The long line of his body arched beneath Chris, all tight muscle and controlled need.

“Let go,” Chris said, hand tugging lightly in his hair. “Be as loud as you want.”

Ash shoved up hard into his hand once more, throat working around a low moan, and then he was coming, painting both of their shirts. Some of it coated his hand and the hot, slick sensation was what pulled Chris after him. Watching Ash come was a beautiful thing, a brilliant explosion full of emotion. But coming with him? Feeling the aftershocks mirrored in Ash’s body? The sound of Ash’s stuttering breath the first thing he could hear after? Chris wasn’t a poet but that experience might just make him become one.

They were tangled together after, Chris on his chest, both of them panting. Chris knew they’d have to get up soon, shuck off the shirts that were a mess and get in the shower before heading for the bridge. But he was content to stay there for a few more minutes and savor the way Ash was limp under him, arms wrapped loosely around his back and his nose buried in Chris’ hair. Chris smiled and kissed his chest, hoping it was somewhere near the proximity of his heart.

“Well, that’s — my cardio for the day,” Ash finally said, still slightly breathless.

Chris laughed then and he felt Ash join him. It was one of things he loved most about them together. It was so easy to get Ash to laugh, and the way Ash was quick to do so around him made Chris feel as if he might float up to the ceiling from the joy of it.

“Guess I really can tell Saru I was exercising,” Chris said before laughing again.

Ash nuzzled his hair. “New kink or just opportunity?”

Chris hummed, thinking. “Dunno. Probably best not to try because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about this ship, it’s that seven out of ten calls from the bridge mean a yellow alert at the least. Not the best time to be getting the galaxy’s best blowjob.”

That made Ash snort, the hot brush of air tickling Chris’ scalp. “Careful now. We don’t want my ego getting bigger than the ship.”

Chris rolled his head back and forth on his chest, the best he could do instead of a shake. “Incorrigible, honestly.”

After they’d stopped laughing, Chris made a thoughtful sound. “Though, if we’re in space dock one of these days, and my badge goes off — god, I can’t believe I’m even suggesting this.”

Ash let out what could only be described as a chortle, a delighted one at that. “So you _do_ have a kink.”

Chris poked his side, making him squirm and then laugh. “Only with you.”

Ash cuddled him closer and Chris heard him say, very softly, “You sap.”

Chris kissed his chest again and was rewarded with Ash rubbing one hand up and down his back. He fell quiet and it was a sign of how well Chris was learning the language of him that he knew it was the kind of quiet Ash got when he was mulling something over. (There were several kinds of quiet. Chris loved that Ash let him see all of them.) He didn’t say anything, knowing that, based on past experience, Ash would speak when he was ready.

“I’m just trying to figure out,” Ash mused slowly a moment later, “whether this is your roundabout way of wanting to tell people about us.”

Chris blinked. “Oh.” He shifted so he could look up at Ash, chin propped on the curve of muscle next to his sternum. “Oh,” he said again, at a loss for anything else to add.

He watched Ash and was pleased to see that Ash didn’t look like he was contemplating sliding out from under Chris and bolting for the door. He also didn’t look upset at the prospect. Chris hadn’t thought all that much about telling the rest of their inner circle — Saru and Burnham, Tilly and Reno, Stamets and Culber. It had only been a few weeks with Ash, and the rest of the group had mostly settled back into an acceptance (easy or otherwise) of Ash’s place among them since his return nearly two months before. Chris hadn’t wanted to cause any drama, especially where Burnham and Culber were concerned. And given Ash’s past, Chris had figured slow and quiet was the better route. All the same, he _had_ been thinking in permanent terms about Ash, about their relationship. That was a sure sign, even if an unconscious one, that he was in for the long haul, and would want to tell at least someone sooner or later. Honestly, he wondered how it hadn’t occurred to him sooner. What was that old Earth saying about lightbulbs?

“Is that,” he began and then licked his lips, brain still processing. Just because Ash didn’t look panicked didn’t mean he was on the same page as Chris. “Is that something you’ve thought about?”

Ash lifted one shoulder in a shrug, eyes still fixed on the ceiling. “I mean, maybe? I guess I’d been thinking about possibly telling Michael sooner than later. I don’t want her surprised by the news, and I figured she’d be a safe one to tell. If anyone apart from you would understand what the hell I’m thinking, she’d be it.”

Chris nodded, which was mostly just rubbing his chin up and down on Ash’s chest. “Makes sense. She knows you, knows about your past. And it’s Michael,” he smiled. “Somehow I doubt Spock’s sister would react with anything other than happiness and support for you. Vulcans don’t exactly do judgement.”

Ash said nothing, merely cocked an eyebrow at him. Chris huffed out a laugh.

“You know what I mean. Not that kind of judgement; at least, not about something like this. If Spock of all beings is understanding and compassionate, then Michael absolutely will be too.”

Ash brushed some of Chris’ hair back off his forehead and smiled. “You know, it’ll be good to find Spock,” he murmured, eyes a little unfocused. “I mean, good for, y’know, him being safe and you and Michael no longer looking like worried mother hens.”

Chris opened his mouth to protest but Ash shot him a look. Yeah, okay, Ash had his number there.

“It’ll be good to find him,” Ash said again. “I’m looking forward to meeting the guy. He’s got one hell of a reputation to live up to.”

Chris grinned at that. “He’s a good kid. I think you’ll like him. And I think he’d like you too.” He took a deep breath and dove in. “Actually, if I _was_ going to tell anyone, he and Number One would be the first ones I’d say anything to.”

When Ash gave him a surprised look, Chris felt himself blush. “They’re basically family,” he explained. “And Number One has been after me for ages to find someone who can ‘keep up with my brand of chaos’.”

Ash laughed, and the crinkles around his eyes deepened. Chris loved when that happened, it had become a great indicator that he was truly relaxed. Once Ash had settled down, he looked down at Chris and smiled softly. He brushed one thumb along Chris’ lower lip and Chris fought the urge to let his eyes slip closed. The look Ash was giving him was one he wanted to savor for as long as it lasted.

“Looks like you found your chaotic someone,” he whispered.

Chris felt his mouth fall open in response and he knew he was gaping but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The words caught in his brain and looped, like one of those record players from several centuries before, needle scratching over the vinyl as it repeated over and over. _Your chaotic someone._ The words sank into his skin and buzzed just below the surface, warming him down to the marrow in his bones. Chris wondered if it would be possible to ever feel cold again after that.

“Have I?” he asked, holding his breath.

“Yeah,” Ash murmured, and god, that smile was devastating for any attempt at a steady heartbeat. “You have.”

Chris felt lightheaded and giddy as he leaned up to kiss Ash. He took his time, enjoying the way Ash cradled his face, thumbs a perfect bracket on either side of their mouths.

“Tell Spock,” Ash said when they broke apart. “Once we find him.”

Chris couldn’t help a snort of laughter. “Yeah, I doubt broadcasting on subspace channels about this would help us find him any faster.” Ash’s lips were twitching as Chris continued in a voice meant to mimic the clipped pace of subspace transmissions. “Mr. Spock, please notify us of your location. I have a very hot boyfriend that I’d like to tell you about.”

Ash burst out laughing and Chris never wanted to forget the split-second before he did, where his nose scrunched up and he was biting his lower lip in an attempt to keep the laughter back. Chris kissed him then, Ash’s laughter bright and perfect as he swallowed down the sound of it.

“Just warn me before you tell Number One,” Ash said eventually once he had his breath back. “I’ve heard stories about her. Her ‘hurt him and I will end you’ speech has got to be absolutely _terrifying_.”

“Oh god,” Chris laughed. “I never thought about that. I bet she’ll be perfectly civil and nice to you.”

“Liar,” Ash shot back, laughing again. “And you know it.”

Later, after they’d showered and were getting dressed, Chris caught Ash’s hand as he crossed the room.

“Tell Michael,” he said, tangling their fingers together.

Ash gave him a surprised look and Chris brought their hands up so he could kiss Ash’s palm.

“Just realized I didn’t say it earlier,” he murmured against his skin.

Ash pressed in close, lips going to that spot on Chris’ neck that they both loved. He trailed his mouth lightly over the edge of Chris’ collar.

“Thanks,” he whispered. He pulled back to finish zipping up the uniform top for Chris. “Can we — would you mind waiting on everyone else here? Maybe see how it goes with Michael first?”

Chris brushed a hand through Ash’s hair, already drying and curling into that perfect wave he loved to run his hands through at day’s end when Ash was listing into him on the couch.

“Yeah,” he said when Ash had relaxed into his touch. “We can do that, love.”

The deck beneath their feet gave a terrific lurch and they fell into each other as the ship shuddered around them. Somehow they managed to stay mostly on their feet, arms holding each other up as the ship continued to violently rock and shake. Chris and Ash exchanged a worried glance before Chris tapped his badge, the walls still trembling around them.

“Bridge, damage report.”

“Working on it, Captain,” came Saru’s calm voice. “I’ll have those numbers in a moment for you.”

“What the hell happened?” Chris asked as the deck shook once more beneath their feet and then the tremors tapered off.

“I do not know, but I believe it might have something to do with — ”

“Reno’s test,” Chris beat him to it. “I’m on my way to the bridge.”

Saru signed off and then Chris and Ash were heading for the doors. Chris caught Ash’s hand before they got there and was opening his mouth to speak when Ash spun and cupped his face, holding him close for the space of a breath.

“Be safe,” he pleaded and then kissed Chris, hard, once.

“Was just about to say the same thing,” Chris whispered.

And then the doors opened and they strode out into the hall.

“I’ll head to security, see what they need help with,” Ash called out as they separated.

Chris nodded. “Call me if you need something.”

Ash threw a jaunty two-finger salute at him before he turned and took off at a run, body slipping easily through a throng of people rushing in multiple directions. Chris took off in the other direction and made what had to be a new record time in getting to the bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-- chapter title from ["too much"](https://genius.com/Marshmello-and-imanbek-too-much-lyrics) by marshmello, imanbek and usher. it's one of my favorite songs in my ash/pike playlist.
> 
> \-- iike i wasn't going to go with a _friends_ reference in the fic title.


	2. undisclosed desires (in your heart)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What in blue blazes just happened to the _Discovery_ and just how much hilarity are the crew in for?

“Status update,” he barked as he raced out of the turbolift and headed for Saru.

Saru was at his station, hands flying over the terminal as information flashed over the display.

“Reports of minor injuries on several decks, all currently being treated or en route to sickbay,” Saru replied, never looking away from his screen. “And — ah! There’s the final tallies. No fatalities, Captain.”

“Well, thank god for that,” Chris said, relieved. He looked around the bridge and noted that none of the crew appeared seriously injured. “Everyone alright?”

Several calls of affirmative and nodding heads made something in his chest ease just a bit.

“Have we heard from Reno?”

“Yeah, sorry about all this, Cap,” came a fuzzy voice from the comms. It sounded as if she were far away due to the interference. “Damn warp core and I are having a disagreement about the laws of physics.”

Only Reno, he thought wryly, would have the aplomb to remain calm _and_ deliver a perfect quip after the _Discovery_ had done the ship’s equivalent of a seven on the Richter scale.

“Which laws and for how long?” he shot back.

There was a burst of static that he could have sworn was a bark of laughter. “Too many to name. Though Einstein would have a few things to say to the warp core if he were here. I’m working on scope, but I should have an upd—”

The transmission became garbled and Chris threw a glance at Bryce.

“Sorry, sir. Looks like something in the ship-wide system took a hit,” the communications officer responded, tapping away at his station. “I’m isolating the cause now.”

“Cap, you still there?” Reno’s voice filtered back in for a moment. “Or am I just venting to myself again? Should I get Stamets in here to annoy? Guy could use a break from his precious spores, I bet.”

Chris had to hold back the snort of laughter. “I doubt that very much, Reno, unless you want to find yourself locked out of engineering.”

“Ha!” Chris could hear her laughter this time. “I’d like to see the curmudgeon try.”

“Looks like the central comms station sustained damage,” Bryce said. “I’ve got a crew en route but it’s going to be a while.”

“Reno, did you — ”

“Loud and clear. Well, soft and fuzzy, but you get the point. Either way, it’s going to be a while for the core too.”

Chris looked to Detmer and could tell she was already thinking along his lines. “If all critical systems are stable, Lieutenant, get us running on impulse.”

“Aye, sir,” she responded as she swiveled back to her console.

“Now, Reno, you mind telling me exactly what made us shake like Dorothy’s house in Kansas?”

There was a sharp burst of static and then the comms fell quiet. Chris could see Bryce scrambling out of the corner of his eye and instead of trying the ship comms, he tapped his badge.

“Reno, come in.”

“Sorry, sir, those are down too. Looks like our handheld communicators are still operational but that’s about it.”

Chris nodded. “Alright, Lieutenant. Keep me apprised of any updates. I’m headed to engineering to find out what happened and what we need to get the warp core fixed.”

“And make Reno happy again?” Burnham asked with a humorous glance.

“Burnham, something tells me Reno is happier than a kitten with a new ball of string. She’s never met a problem she hasn’t liked — and solved — while sassing it thoroughly.”

Burnham’s lips quirked into a rare smile and Chris winked at her. Stamets had been the de facto loveable curmudgeon on the ship before Reno had joined them a few months ago. Since then, she had sassed her way into the heart of everyone onboard, even Stamets, though he would deny it to the end of time. If Reno was firing off one-liners then the problem couldn’t be _that_ dire. They hadn’t yet encountered a problem she hadn’t snarked at (and then solved), and Chris hoped they never did.

“Mr. Saru, you have the bridge. Burnham, start running the data from Reno’s experiment and see if you can identify a fix, or at least a patch to get us to the starbase on time.”

He grabbed a handheld communicator from the arm of the captain’s chair and strode for the door. Once in the turbolift he flipped open the communicator and hailed Ash.

“Hey,” came Ash’s reply. “Everything okay?”

Chris could tell Ash wasn’t just asking about the ship and the crew.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m fine,” he responded. “Shipwide comms are down. Bryce has a crew working on a fix, but it could take a while. I’m on my way to the engineering bay to help Reno.”

“Well that certainly explains why our badges stopped working,” Ash mused. “We’re all good here in security. Nhan sent a bunch of officers out to assist with calls that came in before the comms went on the blink. Sounds like a couple cases of folks trapped in turbolifts, heavy objects blocking exits. Y’know, the usual for when a ship gets tossed out of warp like I tossed you on the bed the other night.”

Chris choked and tried to say something but all that came out was a questioning noise.

“What?” Ash asked.

“Did you just — say that?” Chris finally managed as he firmly told his brain that now was _not_ the time for very vivid memories of Ash manhandling him two nights before.

“Say what?”

Ash sounded genuinely confused, not coy.

“That the ship got tossed out of warp like,” Chris took a breath and spoke quickly, “like you tossed me on the bed a couple nights ago?”

“Did I?” Ash hummed. “Huh. That’s — must have slipped my mind.”

Chris heard a concerned noise as it clicked for Ash.

“Oh shit, please tell me you’re not on the bridge.”

That had Chris laughing. “In a turbolift by myself. Though I wish I had the time to listen to you talk to me while I fuck my hand.”

“ _Chris_ ,” Ash hissed. “Fuck, you can’t just _say_ things like that without warning a guy. God, do you have any idea how hot that sounds?”

Chris was still trying to process how the thought had made it past his filter in the first place.

“I — do now?” he offered helpfully.

The turbolift doors slid open as Ash said, “When all of this is over — ”

“Yep, absolutely, whatever you want,” Chris cut in quickly. The hallway was empty for the moment but that didn’t mean someone would rush past without warning and overhear, well, everything.

“Ah,” Ash laughed as he caught on. “Give my best to Reno. Go have fun being her greasemonkey.”

“Her — hang on!” Chris spluttered as he heard Ash laugh and then end the call.

He shook his head and headed for the warp core bay. Captain of the _Enterprise_ , Captain of the _Discovery_ , and now _greasemonkey_ could officially be added to his CV, Chris thought with a smile.

Several technicians rushed by, hauling coils and tools and crates. The few times he’d come down to this level of the engineering bay, most of the engineers had moved with haste, but now they were moving on the double. Chris knew that his communicator would go off if whatever they were fixing proved critical enough for him to know about. Until then he trusted that they knew what they were doing and forged ahead as more beings brushed past him with quick greetings of “Captain!” and “We’re fine, sir!” from most of them.

Two beings skittered, actually skittered, past him without a word and he paused about two steps later as his brain caught up with what his eyes had seen.

Were those — emus?

Emus in Starfleet uniforms?

He turned very slowly, wondering if he’d somehow hit his head during the tremors and had imagined it. Nope, he definitely hadn’t imagined it. Those were honest-to-god emus, feathers ruffling as they — there really was no other word for it other than “skitter”, he realized — skittered down the hall.

Someone shot out of the doors from Stamets’ laboratory and scurried past him.

“No, no, no! Come back!”

Was that — Tilly? Chasing the emus in uniform?

“Erm, Ensign?” he called, trying not to sound bemused and failing.

“Sorry, sir!” she called over her shoulder. “They just _appeared_ in the lab and then the door opened and they sprinted out for pastures greener, or well, bigger since we don’t really have pastures on — ”

“Breathe, Tilly,” Chris cut in, unable to hide his amusement.

Tilly took a deep breath and blew it out as she paused in her scramble after the birds. “Sorry, sir.”

“Not your fault. Let’s try to get them corralled somewhere out of the way.”

As they split up to take different sides of the hallway and flank the birds, Tilly shot him a curious look. “Not to be super nosy or anything, sir, but why are you helping? Shouldn’t you be doing more — captain-y things? Oh my god, I cannot believe I just said ‘captain-y’ to a Starfleet captain.”

“It’s alright, Tilly,” Chris laughed. “But to your question, they are very large animals loose in engineering where — ”

“Several things are on the fritz and they could make a lot of things explode,” Tilly finished. “Okay, let’s catch our fine feathered friends.”

It took ten minutes and the help of two crewmen further ahead in the hallway, but eventually Chris and Tilly were able to corner the birds into a vacant lab that was filled with research material and tools that very much were not on the explosive end of the spectrum. Chris tugged his jacket back into place as he and Tilly both caught their breath.

“You said they just appeared in — ”

_Pop._

The emus in Starfleet uniforms disappeared into thin air.

“And just disappeared,” he deadpanned. “Okay, I thought I had seen it all.”

“Yeah, that’s a — a new one,” Tilly stammered. “That really just happened, right? I didn’t hallucinate them? Please tell me I’m not going crazy again like with the spores.”

“You’re not going crazy, Sylvia,” he assured her, pleased when the use of her first name seemed to help calm her. “Any chance this could be a byproduct of the mycelial network and whatever happened with the warp core?”

Tilly cocked her head to one side as she mulled it over. “Not as far as I can see. We’d have needed loose spores in the air and a few thousand volts of electricity to possibly let anything out of the network and even then I doubt _emus_ would be the first thing to come out.”

Chris nodded and turned for the door. “Alright, you’re with me. Let’s go find Reno and see if she has any idea.”

It wasn’t hard to find Reno. All they had to do was follow the sounds of banging and cursing coming from the room containing the nacelles and core.

“Darlin’, I told you, if you want me to upgrade that alloy, you’re going to have to — oomph — _cooperate_ with me,” came the disembodied voice from behind a bank of nacelles.

“Reno?” Chris called. “You alright in there?”

Reno’s head popped out into view as she shoved her goggles up into her hair with an elbow. “Oh heya, Cap, good timing. I need an extra hand, or three.”

Chris and Tilly followed her beckoning around the ring and found her holding three separate pieces of tech with both hands and one foot while balancing precariously on the other.

“Tilly, grab that one from my foot and move it a couple inches up to — that’s it. Pike, get the fuser from my toolkit — no, not the silver one, the red one — and then get the alloy in my left hand. Ah, thanks.”

Reno, back on both feet and with one hand free, took the proffered tool and flipped her goggles down.

“Close your eyes, kiddos.”

She flicked on the energy current and made short work of fusing the broken sheets together. Once Chris had heard the tool shut down, he opened his eyes. While she tinkered with the exterior circuits, he studied the even line of work Reno had done to piece everything back together. She had her tongue between her teeth and was making approving clucks and sounds as each circuit pinged an affirmative on her readout.

“Thanks for the assist there,” she said after setting everything down. “Now that we’ve got that patched, let’s go poke around the warp core, huh?”

“Jett,” Chris began as they helped her gather up her tools and head around the curve toward the tubes encasing the core. “Please tell me you know what happened.”

“Course I do,” she snorted. “What do you think I am, a linguist holding a wrench?”

Chris had to bite back a laugh as he heard Tilly giggle. Reno began unlocking and opening panels and then motioned for Chris and Tilly to help her pull the panels clear. As they worked, Reno filled them in.

“As you remember, Cap, I was trying to boost the efficiency of the warp drive. Basically like adding octane to an old Earth engine. What I didn’t account for was the minimal variations in the path the ship would take while at warp.”

“Ohhh,” Tilly said, clearly catching on.

“I thought the path when at warp was a constant?” Chris asked. “Are you telling me it’s less like a smooth highway and more like a dirt road?”

“Not exactly,” Reno responded. “There are slight fluctuations in gravity density and pull that are similar to small potholes on that dirt road — and variance in speed as a result — when you warp near a body that exerts a nominal amount of gravity.”

“It’s why they say not to reboot your warp drive by slingshotting around a sun,” Tilly offered. “That kind of gravitational pull is going to cause all kinds of havoc with your systems.”

“Like flinging your ship out of warp and possibly to pieces,” Reno finished. “Which is not exactly what happened,” she added quickly when Chris’ eyebrows climbed in alarm.

“We were too near a dwarf star?” Tilly guessed.

“Bingo,” Reno said, emphasizing by pointing her fuser at Tilly.

“So there are dips in gravitational forces within the warp path when we’re moving but not enough to affect the ship normally,” Chris processed aloud. “But given your turbo boost to the core?”

“Those dips became massive potholes with a potential to snag us,” Reno finished. “Exactly. Just have to do some finetuning of the algorithm and tech to compensate for it next time around.” When Chris gave her a wry look she hastily added, “ _If_ there is a next time.”

Chris turned to look into the heart of the core and noticed several tubes were dark or flickering. “So we just need to get those ones up and running again in order to go back to warp at normal speed, right?”

Reno nodded. “Theoretically. Gotta get into the actual nuts and bolts to make sure our girl didn’t throw out her back instead of, I don’t know, just — ”

“Getting caught for a bit in one of those potholes?” Tilly offered helpfully.

Chris rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. “We need to pick a metaphor and stick with it, you two.”

He wished ardently for a cup of coffee. The one Ash had brought him that morning had gone cold by the time they’d emerged from the shower and he hadn’t had a chance for another one before the ship had been thrown out of warp. If he was going to help Reno and Tilly repair the warp core while handling mixed metaphors and reaching for what he remembered of physics and astrophysics, he needed caffeine.

_Pop._

A cup of steaming coffee — _his_ coffee — with one cream, one sugar, appeared in his hand not currently rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

His eyes widened as the three of them watched the steaming vapors rise off the liquid.

“Did that just — ” Reno began.

“Yep,” Tilly said, enunciating the final letter with a pop of her lips. “Just like the emus.”

“Emus?” Reno asked, voice far too mild. “As in the feathered numbskulls of the animal kingdom? The ones with the gangly legs, that look like whatever being designed them got high on Stamets’ spores and then was left to their own devices? Those emus?”

It was a testament to how shocked Chris was by the sudden appearance of the coffee in his hand that he didn’t chuckle at Reno’s retort.

“Those emus,” he confirmed, voice somewhat dazed. “Tilly, care to fill her in?”

“Well, Stamets and I were making sure nothing had happened to the spores or the spore drive after we’d picked ourselves up off the floor,” she began, picking up steam as she continued. “And he said, ‘Well, it certainly can’t get much worse — oh wait, Jett is responsible. It’s already worse.’”

She shot an apologetic glance at Reno, who merely beamed at the insult. Chris had recovered enough to smile at that. Shakespeare himself couldn’t have written a better love-hate relationship than Reno and Jett; even Beatrice and Benedick hadn’t come close to some of the barbs the two had traded.

“I thank God and my cold blood I am of your humor for that,” Reno said, still grinning from ear to ear. “I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than Stamets swear he likes me.”

Tilly gaped and Chris didn’t do much better. Reno blinked and looked confused.

“Did I just quote — ”

“Shakespeare, yeah,” Chris exhaled before taking an absent sip of his coffee (which was the perfect temperature and his preferred blend, because of course this day couldn’t get any weirder).

“Oh my god, I think I know what’s going on!” Tilly exclaimed, grabbing both of their arms. She froze and then looked panicked as she let go. “Sorry, sorry. Reno, think of something ridiculous. Don’t give me that look, just do it. Please.”

Reno arched one eyebrow but complied, closing her eyes as her brow furrowed in concentration.

_Pop._

Lieutenant Commander Paul Stamets appeared in front of them, dressed in doublet and hose, a pinched, exasperated look on his face.

“But it is certain,” he pointed at Reno, “that I am loved of all ladies, only _you_ excepted.” He blinked and then looked around, confused. “Hey, what the — ”

He disappeared into thin air without another word. Chris turned to look at Reno, who shrugged.

“Fair’s fair. I quote the Bard, he’s gotta do it too.”

“Oh my god, when this is over, _please_ let me tell Stamets and Culber about this,” Tilly breathed, delight written across her bright features.

“Only if I’m there,” Chris allowed. “I want to watch Stamets be completely speechless while Culber laughs himself into a hernia.”

“I’ll bring the popcorn,” Reno said before looking at Tilly. “It’s the multiverse, isn’t it?” Tilly nodded and Reno blew out a breath. “Oh boy. And the law of conservation of energy?”

“And subspace,” Tilly added helpfully.

Chris tried to pull on what he remembered from his physics, astrophysics, and theoretical quantum courses at the Academy, but came up short.

“How about walking the rest of us through it?” he prompted, sipping from his coffee again.

“The law of conservation of energy is the simplest one,” Reno started. “Pretty much says it all in the title. Energy can’t be created or destroyed, but it _can_ be transformed from one form to another.”

“Which is very important for us right now,” Tilly jumped in. “The multiverse is one I don’t have to explain to you, sir. Agent Georgiou is proof of that one.”

“Right,” he nodded. “Multiple parallel universes existing simultaneously.”

“And a part of the multiverse theory is that any universe you can imagine that exists _does_ exist,” Tilly continued. “So, like, a universe where we’re all superheroes, or one where we’re horses, or everything is in black and white, or — ”

_The horses one sounds nice,_ Chris thought wistfully, longing for the ranch and the desert. He pushed the thought far away though, too aware that a sixteen-hand horse might materialize in the warp core bay.

“Anyway,” Reno pulled him back to the present. “So you’ve got the transference of energy from one form to another and the existence of endless universes, as many as we can imagine. Then you’ve got subspace.”

“What we use for communications,” Chris said. “Among other things, though the comms is the main one for us.”

“Main one, yes, but not the only one,” Tilly picked up the thread this time. “Subspace is like a small pocket of energy and space, like a — a pothole. You can pull energy from it into our plane and use it for various purposes.”

The pieces clicked together for Chris and he knew he’d got it in one go by the twin smiles on their faces when they saw his look of recognition. “So what you’re saying is that, while at Reno’s supped-up version of warp speed, one of those gravitational dips pulled us just that little bit closer to one of those subspace pockets?” When they nodded, he pressed on. “And that energy unleashed is just floating around, free to use and transform.”

“In any way we can imagine,” Reno waved her fuser at him. “That’s the key part. It’s drawing on the actual existence of those other universes but manifesting the reality with beings from ours.”

“Well, that explains the emus, mostly,” he mused.

Tilly cleared her throat and Chris noticed then she was turning pink. “I, uhm, might be responsible for the emus, actually.” When Chris motioned for her to continue, she explained, “When Stamets said it couldn’t get worse, I thought that at least we didn’t have wild animals loose in the lab, like emus.”

“That’s what I can’t understand,” Reno said in a wry tone. “Of all the creatures on all the planets, you picked _emus_.”

“They’re kind of adorable, okay? And kind of ridiculous to look at up close. I mean, have you seen those eyes? They’re cartoonish and guaranteed to make you laugh.”

“She’s got a point,” Chris said, hiding his smile behind his cup as he took another drink.

“Well I, for one, am glad you went with emus instead of dragons,” Reno said. Her eyebrows went up and she hastily added, “Don’t even go there, Ensign. Nope, no thinking about dragons, purple and pink scales, tiny or large or otherwise.”

Tilly nodded vigorously. “Way ahead of you. And maybe no more Tudor Stamets? I have to be able to look him in the eye every day without laughing after all this is over. Laughing at him is fine for you, but I absolutely cannot afford to bust a gut while handling spores.”

Several other things clicked into place for Chris while they traded good-natured retorts. Their imaginations running wild certainly explained the conversation in the turbolift with Ash. Both of them had kept their emotions too near the surface and it had bled through. Chris breathed a quiet sigh of relief that neither of them had imagined anything more explicit. An image of Ash, sprawled in his bed, glorious skin on display against the dark sheets, popped into his mind and he thought very, very hard, very quickly about the cup of coffee in his hand refilling. And then let out an audible sigh of gratitude when the dark liquid rose up and stopped near the brim.

Both women looked at him curiously and he felt a tired smile tug at his lips. “Keeping our imaginations in check, now that we know, is going to be interesting.”

“You seem to have a pretty tame one, Cap,” Reno nudged him with an elbow. “A cup of coffee and me quoting a seven-hundred-year-old play. Not exactly emus and Stamets in Elizabethan costume.”

“Maybe so. Maybe I’ve just got a bigger desire to keep my imagination to myself.”

_And one other person,_ his brain helpfully supplied, trying to call up that image of Ash in his bed once more.

His communicator saved him though, and he flipped it open.

“Sir,” came Burnham’s voice, but it was off, wrong somehow. Then it clicked. She was unsettled. “It appears there are some side effects to the experiment and what we experienced coming out of warp.”

“Imaginations running wild?” he asked.

“Way ahead of you, Burnham,” Reno leaned over so that she could be heard clearly on the other end of the call. “We’re starting on a fix now. I’ll have Pike keep you updated.” She prodded Tilly toward the entrance into the heart of the warp core. “C’mon, red, let’s go fuse some nacelles and find a way to get that subspace pocket zipped back up tight.”

As they headed deeper into the core, Chris asked, “Something appear on the bridge?” 

“A very large, very fluffy white rabbit,” Burnham admitted, sounding sheepish. “In a vest, spectacles, and with a pocketwatch.”

Okay, Chris had to admit he could not wait to see the security footage of that one after all this was over.

“He wasn’t looking for the Queen of Hearts by chance?”

It was a testament to how well he was getting to know Burnham and how comfortable she felt with him that he could hear now the exasperated sigh she let out.

“Very funny, sir. Actually, he said he was looking for the Mad Hatter. Saru, bless him, actually pointed toward the turbolift, out of reflex, I’m guessing. He hopped in and disappeared before the doors closed.”

Chris pressed the warm side of his mug to his forehead and grinned. Yeah, definitely watching the footage of this one when it was all over. Preferably with Ash tucked against his side and a bowl of popcorn on his lap. If Burnham was seeing the rabbit from _Alice in Wonderland_ , heaven only knew what other people on the ship were seeing. Heaven only knew what _Ash_ was seeing. Given what he’d lived through, Chris felt a pang of worry.

“Any reports of other sightings around the ship?” he asked.

“Several,” Burnham responded. “None that seem to pose any danger thankfully. I’ll keep you posted on any new developments.”

“Appreciate it, Burnham. You and Saru keep me apprised. I’ll — ” He heard a loud _clang_ and Reno cajoling whatever inanimate object it was. “I’ll send you updates from engineering — once I figure out what Reno and Tilly are up to.”

“Good luck, sir,” was Burnham’s dry response.

The memory of her saying “Vulcans don’t do funny,” came back to him and he smiled. He was in for a world of sarcastic trouble whenever they finally found Spock.

As the call ended, he wondered again — worried again, if he was being truthful — how Ash was holding up with his imagination suddenly becoming real. Ash had healed more than he gave himself credit for in the time since he’d gone to Qo’noS and then returned to the _Discovery_ , but there were still demons, still ghosts in his past that haunted him, even when awake. Some of the things he had told Chris about had made his blood run cold, and Chris had been one of the first on the scene at Tarsus IV after Kodos’ reign of terror. Chris pushed those memories away, though, before his imagination could conjure up a half-starved, terrified but defiant young man he’d rescued named Jim.

Instead, he flipped open his communicator, intent on calling Ash.

_Pop._

He heard Tilly beginning to say something as she poked her head out of the opening to the core, but he was transfixed on the sight before him.

“Ash!” she exclaimed, whole face lighting up.

“Hi,” Chris breathed, unable to stop himself, eyes rooted on Ash.

Ash looked around, confused, before he spotted Chris. His eyes were wide and disbelieving and he looked — jumpy, Chris decided. Yeah, getting yanked from somewhere else on the ship to the core bay and not through the inter-ship transporter beam would be disconcerting for anyone, but especially for the one person on the ship who’d been tortured and used to the brink of sanity.

“It’s okay,” Chris said gently, holding his hands out. “You’re really here.”

Ash blew out a gusty breath and bypassed Chris’ hands to instead tumble headfirst into his arms. “Well, thank fuck for that,” he muttered. “Thought it might be the PTSD messing with my brain again.”

Chris could just see over his head that was Tilly peering around the edge of the opening, mouth hanging open in astonishment as Ash burrowed into his arms. He knew he should care, should send her a look that would translate to _you saw nothing_ , but Ash was holding tight to him and Chris was more focused on checking in on him.

“Nah, just the fabric of space itself messing with you,” he murmured, dropping his face to Ash’s shoulder. “Long story,” he explained when Ash made a confused sound. “It boils down to our imaginations coming to life, literally. I — might have imagined Reno quoting Shakespeare about Stamets.”

The tense line in Ash’s shoulders relaxed as he laughed. “Very original, babe.”

“Babe?” Tilly squeaked.

Ash’s head jerked up from where he’d burrowed into Chris’ neck and he shuffled them around — still hugging Chris — so he could see Tilly properly.

“Uh,” he finally managed. “Hi.”

“I mean, about time you said hello,” she rambled. “I pretty much said hi the second you got here — well, appeared here — but you didn’t really, ah, notice me. Which is totally fine! I mean, I’d be focused on other things than your favorite redhead squealing your name when you’re reaching for Chr—Captain Pike and oh my god, I’m going to say fewer syllables now.”

It was a good sign, Chris thought, that Ash hadn’t let go of him. It was also a good sign that Ash hadn’t sprung away and put an arm’s length of distance between them. And it was a very, very good sign that he was still holding Chris, fingers rubbing back and forth over the fabric of his uniform stretched across his back as he laughed.

“Surprise?” Ash managed, sounding a little unsure. “Funny story but we were just talking about this sort of thing earlier.”

“What, our imaginations coming to life and me imagining emus running around the ship?” Tilly’s nose crinkled as if she couldn’t believe it.

“I — emus?”

“Long story,” Chris responded at the same time Tilly said, “In Starfleet uniforms.”

“Yeah, long story,” she added as an afterthought.

Chris felt Ash’s chest tremble and he bit the inside of his cheek to hide the smile. Ash was fighting not to laugh. An even better sign.

“You owe me that long story when this is all over,” Ash said as he lost the battle on holding back the laugh. “No, I meant Chr—Captain Pike and I were talking about people finding out. We’d, uhm, decided to start telling a few people, maybe?”

Ash had pulled back just enough that his face was next to Chris’ as he talked, though they were still wrapped up together, arms loose around one another’s waists. Chris knew this was not even remotely how Ash had wanted to start telling people and that he’d wanted to wait on most of them until he felt more comfortable with his position on the ship. Even though it was Tilly and she was clearly fine with them (if the wide smile was any indication), Chris knew that it was still costing Ash something to do this now. He turned and brushed his lips across the high sweep of Ash’s cheekbone in quiet support.

“Oh my gosh, that was so cute,” Tilly breathed, eyes going even wider somehow. “I mean, uhm — ”

“At ease, Tilly,” Chris said as he fought a laugh of his own. “Ash and I have been seeing each other for a while now.”

Her mouth dropped open in silent surprise and then she recovered. “I mean, obviously, because this,” she waved a hand in their direction, “is not what two people who hate each other do. Unless that’s a thing you’re into and I’m totally fine with that! Everyone has their thing and no one should judge and please tell me to shut up.”

Ash dropped his head as he laughed and Chris took the opportunity to kiss his forehead.

“We don’t hate each other,” Ash said after he’d stopped laughing, though he was still smiling. “I don’t think we ever did. Just took us a while to realize all that arguing was a, a prelude, I guess.”

Tilly studied him for a moment and Chris could practically see the dizzying speed at which her brain was processing it all. Her eyes roved over Ash’s face and the relaxed, happy expression there, and then on to the way Ash was leaning into Chris, and the way Chris was leaning in too so that they were more or less supporting each other. Her gaze was serious even though she had a smile on her face.

“You’re happy?” she asked quietly, eyes only for Ash.

Chris knew that Tilly had been the first one to befriend him after he’d first joined the ship during the war, and once more after Voq had been removed from his mind. Ash had a standing “bro night” with her each week now (as Tilly had named it) — dinner and then a game in one of the holosuites. Last week’s adventure had been learning how to bowl, with Tilly being an absolute terror at strikes, according to Ash when he had recounted the events to Chris once in bed together that night. Tilly was Ash’s closest friend on the ship, if not his best friend. Michael was Michael; something tender and dear but Ash always said he saw himself as more her guardian than anything else. Tilly though, Tilly was Ash’s guardian in a way, reminding him how to have fun and be human, her extraordinary heart so adept at getting both of them to relax. Ash had wanted to tell Michael first, but upon seeing Tilly’s reaction, and the way Ash was calm now, Chris realized that he wouldn’t have chosen anyone else to tell first.

“Yeah,” Ash nodded.

Chris couldn’t stop staring as one of his favorite smiles appeared on Ash’s face. It was the one where he ducked his head for a moment as his eyes fluttered closed. The smile started small, almost shy as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment, as if trying to hold the smile back, keep it private and all his own. But the quiet joy of it always won out, as it did now, when Ash looked up, utterly happy and that dimple Chris adored on full display.

“I’m really happy, Syl,” Ash said. “I wanted to tell you the day after it all started but I wanted to make sure it was something that was going to last, and that I wasn’t going to fuck it up. And because, y’know, Chris is — ”

“Our captain,” Tilly finished for him as she tentatively stepped forward. “Yeah, I get that. I’d keep it quiet until I was sure if I had been in your position.”

Her nose wrinkled and Ash burst out laughing before protesting, “No, nooope! Do not follow that thought! I do _not_ want to see whatever you’re imagining come to life.”

Tilly covered her face with both hands and sighed. “It’s just, like, _so_ hard to suddenly keep my imagination chill, right? You guys know me; imagination is what helps me figure out about ninety percent of the solutions I come up with.”

“And I wouldn’t trade your imagination for a lack of it,” Chris said. “Though I appreciate you not scarring all of us.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, dropping her hands to reveal a vivid blush that nearly matched her hair. She looked to Ash and laid a gentle hand on his arm. “I’m happy for you, Ash; so, so happy. You deserve this and so much more. And you can tell me as little or as much as you want when I kick your ass this week in our bowling rematch.”

“Who said anything about a rematch?” Ash squawked. “I thought we’d agreed to figure out how the hell shuffleboard worked!”

Chris snorted in disbelief and dropped his head to Ash’s shoulder to muffle his laughter. “Oh my god,” he said weakly. “This day is something else alright.”

He felt Ash rest a cheek to his hair for a moment and Chris squeezed him tighter in acknowledgement.

“Well, this is a heartstoppingly cute picture,” Reno’s dry voice cut in. “Good thing my old ticker is made of cold, dead titanium alloy.”

“Oh my god, Jett!” Tilly spun around and raised her arms as if to block out the view of Ash and Chris from her.

Chris looked up to see Reno surveying them with a steely-eyed stare. She gave a brief nod and then smiled, gaze going warm.

“‘Bout time, you two. You could cut the sexual tension on the bridge with a knife. I was thinking of locking you two in a turbolift until you worked your shit out.”

Ash had a bemused expression going on his face and Chris knew he wasn’t faring much better.

“Though I have to say, I didn’t have this moment pegged as the one where you two would finally get together,” she continued. “Honestly, haven’t you guys ever heard of ‘there’s a time and place’?”

“Apparently that time and place was a while ago,” Tilly helpfully supplied, bouncing up onto her toes and then back down. “I mean,” she stuttered and shot a questioning look at them.

“It’s alright, Syl,” Ash said. “She’s right though, Jett. This is nothing new. Although, getting imagined down here by Chris is a new one.”

“Who said I was the one who imagined you here?” Chris shot back, lips twitching.

Ash gave him a knowing look. “I’m pretty sure Tilly was coming out here to get your attention, so that rules her out. I’ve got no clue why Jett might want to see me, so I’m going to rule her out too. That leaves only one remaining option.” He bumped his nose to Chris’ cheek and grinned innocently. “Unless you’re trying to tell me that Tilly’s emus were the ones that imagined me here.”

It was Tilly’s delighted, if startled, giggle that set them all off. The next thing Chris knew, they were all laughing good and hard. Reno was leaning against the wall, trying to suck down lungfuls of air as she howled, and Tilly was hiccuping as she laughed, bent double over her knees. Chris and Ash had listed into one another, clutching helplessly as they cracked up.

They all settled down eventually and Reno wiped her eyes, though her face was still glowing and red from delight. She came forward and clapped a hand on Ash’s shoulder.

“I like you, kid. You’re welcome in my engineering bay any time.”

“I — thanks?” Ash responded, looking dazed.

“High praise indeed,” Chris murmured with a smile. “She doesn’t invite just anyone to her workshop.”

“You better believe it,” Reno agreed. “You’re welcome any time too, Cap. Though I will insist on you two behaving yourselves and not getting up to any funny business in my lab. If you do, I promise I will hit you both over the head with the nearest piece of equipment.”

Chris could just hear a choked sound from Tilly and he assumed it was another giggle being pushed back. Ash’s fingers had clutched at his hips briefly, but Chris knew it wasn’t fear; Ash was fighting not to collapse into another fit of laughter again.

“Aye, aye, sir,” he settled on and gave Reno a jaunty salute.

“Yeah,” Reno sighed happily, “I like you. Now shoo. I need your ridiculously attractive and unfairly charming man to help me with some circuits.”

Without another word she turned for the core and pulled Tilly with her.

“See you tomorrow?” Tilly called over her shoulder.

“Be ready for me to kick your ass with strikes,” Ash replied as they disappeared from view.

Chris let go of his hips and cupped Ash’s face instead. Ash’s eyes slipped closed and he brought a hand up to hold Chris’ wrist.

“You okay?” Chris murmured.

Ash nuzzled into the palm of one hand and let out a quiet breath. “Yeah. Didn’t expect any of that to happen, but I also didn’t expect it to go so well either.” He opened his eyes to look at Chris. “How about you? Not exactly the most captainly position to be caught out in.”

Chris chuckled. “I’ll survive. Those two are good people. I’d trust them with my life — hell, we’ve both done that a half dozen times this year already.” He swept his thumb back and forth over Ash’s cheek. “I’m glad it went well, and I’m glad they know.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of telling Tilly first,” Ash hummed.

“If I find you two canoodling out there, I _will_ imagine up a fire-breathing dragon!” Reno called from inside the core.

Chris laughed. “Duty calls.”

Ash leaned in to kiss him quickly. “Be safe. I’ll go see where Nhan needs me to imagine myself to help out.”

With that, he closed his eyes and… 

_Pop._

Ash disappeared.

“God, I love you,” Chris murmured absently to the empty air before turning and heading for the core.

“Alright, alright, Jett, I’m coming,” he called out. “No canoodling, I promise. Didn’t that word fall out of use about two hundred years ago?”

Reno waved a light-torch at him. “Nonsense. Good words never die; they just take a vacation for a while.”

“Kinda like ‘shenanigans’,” Tilly offered, handing Chris a drill. “It’s old and rarely used, but when it’s used right, it’s perfect.”

Chris took the proffered tool and looked to Reno for directions. She motioned him toward an upper panel and was about to speak when her handheld communicator beeped.

“Reno,” she answered.

“Finally! Did you imagine me in Tudor garb quoting Benedick?” Stamets demanded.

Tilly flicked her eyes toward Chris and immediately busied herself miming what Reno had wanted him to start working on. Chris pulled his lip between his teeth and nodded. If either of them paid attention to the war of words, they were both going to burst into very, very undignified laughter.

It took no time to get the panel open and the tubes pulled down into view.

“Is the blue diode in the back still glowing?” Tilly asked.

Chris peered around the tubes and other equipment and then nodded. “Yeah. Need me to do anything to it?”

Tilly shook her head. “Take this tricorder and start checking the surrounding circuits. I’m betting there’s at least two that are shorted out. Once we find those, we can get them fixed and then work on the tubes.”

They settled into an easy rhythm as Reno set about running the same checks on the lower panel all the while still squabbling with Stamets over her communicator.

“For the last time, Stamets, don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t tell you how to sauté your mushrooms, do I?”

“You don’t sauté spores!” came the indignant retort. “Which you would know if you spent more time down here actually paying attention instead of fiddling with the nuts and bolts and needling me.”

“Oh come now, Benedick,” Reno chided, “like you don’t love our quality time together.”

Chris was grateful he was halfway into the panel opening as the equipment hid his quiet laugh from Reno and Tilly. Eventually it was Tilly who managed to convince Reno and Stamets to call a temporary cessation in the barbs. Reno finished the repair work in her panel shortly thereafter and disappeared for a moment before returning with a data pad in hand. She sprawled on the floor with her back to one of the softly humming nacelles and began typing away, tongue between her teeth. She looked completely at ease there and Chris wondered for a moment if this was her hideaway spot where she came to work on equations and get some peace and quiet from everyone demanding her time and talents.

“How’s it going up there, Cap?” she prompted a few minutes later, eyes still glued to the screen in front of her.

“Almost — c’mon, little guy — got it,” Chris grunted as he wrestled with a tube that was refusing to couple back to its anchor.

“Turn it to the left,” Tilly suggested, “it needs a bit of fiddling sometimes.”

“And then wiggle it,” Reno added.

Chris arched an eyebrow but shrugged and followed their advice. The tube clicked back into place and he blew out a sigh. “Nicely done, you two. That was the last of them.”

“Couldn’t have done it without you,” Reno shot back, fingers flying over the data pad.

“Without me as your greasemonkey?” he teased. “How’d I do? Pass with flying colors? Or is this one going next to that failing grade I got in astrophysics?”

Reno snorted. “Flying colors naturally. Tilly and I are about eight inches too short to reach all the stuff up in that panel and I wouldn’t trust anyone else to fiddle with the guts of the warp core except for the captain of the ship.”

“Jett,” he said slowly, “please tell me I wasn’t messing with the actual core of the warp core. Please tell me I wasn’t working on something that could have — ”

“Gone boom?” Reno supplied. She looked up and grinned before shaking her head. “Nah. Maybe shocked you into thinking you were seeing unicorns spin around your head, but not explode.”

Chris shook his head and decided it was better not to dwell on the dangers of rewiring the heart of his ship. “How much longer do you need on the algorithm before we go to warp again?” he asked instead.

“About half an hour, an hour tops. Differentials are a pain in my ass. Remind me that there has to be a better way to code this in the future.”

“Duly noted,” Chris said with a wry smile. “Tilly, thanks for coaching me through the repairs. Couldn’t have done it — and avoided those unicorns — without you.”

Tilly blushed and tried to wave off the praise. “Thanks, sir, but I — ”

All three of them paused when they heard what sounded like a horse nickering in the outer room.

“Oh crap,” Tilly exhaled as Reno burst out laughing.

Chris didn’t get a chance to say anything, or figure out if it was him or Tilly that had conjured up what was very probably a unicorn. His worldview twisted and shrank down to a pinpoint, black flooding in around his field of vision and then…

_Pop._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-- chapter title is from "[undisclosed desires](https://genius.com/Muse-undisclosed-desires-lyrics)" by muse (and is also in my ash/pike playlist).
> 
> \-- please don't hate me too much for the science-y explanation. i did my best via research and then just, imagined (ha), how something like that could happen.
> 
> \-- beatrice and benedick from "much ado about nothing" are the original archetype of "enemies to lovers" and i refuse to be convinced otherwise.
> 
> \-- i would pay a frankly absurd amount of money to see a disco production of "much ado about nothing" with stamets and reno as benedick and beatrice.
> 
> \-- the alternate universe where they're all horses is a direct reference/shoutout to [somehowunbroken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/somehowunbroken)'s very fantastic hockey rpf fic "[you had your soul with you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27483952)". 
> 
> \-- reno's elder-gay approval is the besttttt.
> 
> \-- ash and tilly in a buddy cop adventure movie. we all need it.
> 
> \-- ahahahahaha is reno psychic? does she know something about ash and pike and a turbolift that the rest of us don't? see you in the next chapter!


	3. chase this ghost away (lay your head on me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reno miiiiight have been a little psychic when she mentioned locking Chris and Ash in a turbolift together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The opening of this chapter features one of Ash's memories of his torture at the hands of the Klingons coming to life. I tried not to go too graphic on the description and tried to keep it brief. If you want to skip the description of the actual memory, start from "There was Ash" and pick up at "First came the". From there, Chris talks Ash out of the memory and down from the flashback. And then feels and smut. So many feels and so much smut.

The world expanded and righted itself before him and he blinked. No wonder both Ash and Stamets had looked confused. Watching existence wink in and out before you was one hell of a trip.

A yell snapped his attention from the experience to his immediate surroundings.

He was in a turbolift, that much he registered as he swung around in the direction of the noise.

There was Ash, strapped down to a metal table that was coated in dried and fresh blood. Chris swallowed down his horror as it hit him what he was seeing.

A Klingon, with its back to Chris, was bent over Ash, who was struggling against his restraints. Ash’s face was etched with pain and terror, eyes bright with panic as he yanked and thrashed and shook in an attempt to break free. The yell had come from him and Chris felt a multitude of things happen inside his chest when Ash threw his head back and screamed in pain once more.

First came the sharp pang of heartbreak for the man he loved. No one should have to endure what Ash had lived through, what Voq had undergone during the war, and seeing it made real was even worse. It was a wonder Ash wasn’t a shaking, permanently traumatized mess in the here and now if this was even a fraction of what those seven months on the Klingon ship had been like. Then came the cascade of ice coursing through him as he smelled the cauterized flesh and could hear the awful sounds of something being done to Ash. It made sense then why he never liked to look at his scars, if this was the creation of them. Chris wouldn’t be able to look at them either without seeing fragments of this dancing through his mind if they were his own. And finally, he felt a searing, protective rage flood through him. Ash had suffered enough for more than both of his lifetimes. No one would ever, ever lay a hand on Ash again if Chris could help it. And Ash wasn’t alone now, no matter what his mind was seeing, no matter what it had imagined into existence.

He lunged forward and hauled the Klingon back before throwing him into a headlock.

“Ash,” he grunted, straining to hold the larger being. “Look at me.”

Ash, the real one, the one in the present, was pressed into the opposite wall. His hands were flat against the smooth paneling and his fingers were digging in until they were white from the pressure. He was trembling and his face was devoid of color. Haunted hazel eyes lifted to look at him and Chris fought back on the instincts screaming for him to hurt those that had done this to Ash.

“Normal breath in,” he said while trying to remember the precise spot that Spock had once shown him for executing the Vulcan nerve pinch. He watched Ash inhale, shaky and slow, and then blow it back out. “Good. Focus on me.”

Chris pinched as hard as he could through the armor and felt the Klingon go limp in his arms. He let go and didn’t bother to watch as the unconscious body tumbled to the floor at his feet.

“You’re safe,” he said in the most level voice he could manage. “What you’re seeing isn’t real, not anymore. Your imagination brought it up now. This is over; you’re okay. You’re not being tortured.”

Ash was frozen but at least the trembling was shifting more into a shiver than instead of a violent shaking. Something flashed in his eyes, hot and defiant, and Chris knew then that Ash was fighting through the flashback.

“Follow the sound of my voice,” he coaxed, holding his hands up and out to him, ready to lightly touch or to hug when Ash came out of it. “Stay with me. I’m here with you. You’re not alone.”

Chris could hear him draw in a ragged breath, those hazel eyes still rooted on him.

_Pop._

The Klingon at his feet disappeared, as did the table with the old Ash Tyler.

_Oh thank god,_ Chris thought.

“Chris,” Ash rasped, voice hoarse as if he’d been the one screaming a moment ago.

“I’m here, Ash; I’m right here.”

Ash’s face crumpled and he launched himself at Chris, driving them both into the opposite wall. Chris felt his back connect with it and then they were sliding down to the floor, Ash between his legs. Chris wrapped his arms around him and held on tight. Ash was clinging to him with his face buried in Chris’ chest and Chris could hear great, gulping breaths from him.

“Shh,” he murmured as he rubbed Ash’s back. “It’s alright. You’re safe.”

“I’m sorry,” Ash choked out. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Chris whispered before he pressed a kiss to Ash’s hair.

They stayed like that for a while, Ash collapsed in front of Chris and Chris holding on to him, pulling him in close. It was an awkward position, with Chris’ thighs spread wide around Ash’s legs, but Ash was plastered to him as much as possible and the contact seemed to help. Chris felt one of Ash’s hands, fingers ice cold, curl around his neck and hold on.

Chris managed to snake a hand between them and tugged the zipper down on Ash’s uniform top. He shoved both hands up and under the black shirt beneath the uniform to lay soothing hands on Ash’s back. Ash made a pained noise and pressed into him, fingers shaky on the collar of Chris’ uniform.

“Please,” he whispered.

“Anything you need, sweetheart,” Chris said, pairing his words with broad strokes up and down Ash’s spine.

Ash eventually got Chris’ uniform open and slid his arms around Chris, hiking his shirt up in the process to touch as much as possible. He pressed the tips of his fingers into Chris’ bare back and it felt like he was hanging on for dear life.

“I’ve got you,” Chris assured him, never stopping the motion of rubbing his back.

Something seemed to settle in Ash as they sat like that, tumbled together and skin-to-skin as much as they could manage. Chris could feel Ash’s heart rate slowly calming and he breathed an internal sigh of relief. When Chris had first gotten his hands on Ash’s back, his pulse had been hammering at a frankly alarming pace. It was still elevated and arhythmic, but at least out of the zone that had Chris worried about Ash going into cardiac arrest. Chris murmured quiet nothings and assurances into Ash’s hair and felt him slowly, ever so slowly relax out of his rigid pose.

“Thanks,” Ash whispered a while later, lips at Chris’ collarbone. “For talking me out of it. And down after. I know I’m a — a lot to handle during one of those. The actual fucking memory probably didn’t help for you either.”

Chris gently scratched down Ash’s back and was rewarded with Ash letting out a contented noise. “You’re not a lot to handle, sweetheart. I promise.”

Ash burrowed into him, hands still splayed on either side of his spine.

“And the memory was awful,” Chris began. He gripped Ash tight when Ash shuddered once in his arms. “But not awful for the reason you think. Awful because I couldn’t do anything about it back then. But I could get to you, protect you, help you in the here and now.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Ash admitted to the hollow of his throat.

“Bullshit,” Chris snorted. “And you know it.”

He pulled a hand off Ash’s back to cradle his cheek instead, where Ash was still hiding against his chest. Ash leaned into the touch and Chris smiled.

“I wish I could go back in time and save you, get you out of there. But I can’t.” Chris heaved a sigh, hating to admit all of that out loud. “But I _can_ do that now. And I’m betting that’s why your subconscious yanked me out of the warp core.”

“Sorry about that,” Ash whispered before nosing into his hand to just breathe there for a moment. “You’re right though. That — that fucking hell appeared in front of me and I just thought, ‘I wish Chris was here.’ Because you’ve talked me through it when I’ve come out of the nightmares before. And you always seem to know what I need even if I have no clue what I need.”

Chris hauled him tighter against his chest and Ash let him. Chris set his chin on Ash’s hair and hummed thoughtfully.

“You popped up in the warp bay because, once I’d found out about all of our imaginations running wild, I was worried about you. I was worried about what you might see. And then there you were instead.”

Ash let out a short laugh and Chris carded a hand through his hair before returning to cup his face again.

“What happened?” he asked gently. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Ash let out what was truly an impressive sigh and settled more firmly against Chris. “I was taking the lift to the bridge to help Nhan and Bryce test out some patches in the comms system. The lift just, gave this fucking massive shake. It threw me to the ground. The lights flickered and something sparked. Something about it all made that memory flash in my mind and before I could tell myself I was fine and in a turbolift, not being tortured, well.”

“You were being tortured.”

“Yeah.”

“And then you did the mental equivalent of yelling for me,” Chris said, hoping to prod a laugh out of Ash.

It worked, even if the sound was a little unsteady.

“Remember what you said to me, that first night and first morning together?” Chris prompted after a moment.

Ash was nearly limp in his arms as he made a thoughtful sound. “Good luck trying to get rid of me,” he finally responded.

Chris bumped his nose against Ash’s hair and smiled. “I’m saying it to you now.”

At last Ash lifted his head from where he’d tucked it into Chris’ shirt. His eyes were wide but clear and the color had come back to his face. He looked a little surprised, if tired, and Chris felt a swoop of relief at the sight.

“I know you think you’re a lot to handle,” Chris started. “But I promise you, you’re not. Good luck trying to get rid of me, Ash.”

Ash’s mouth dropped open in surprise and his eyes turned bright.

_Now,_ his heart whispered, _say it now._

“Can I kiss you?” he asked instead.

“Please,” Ash nodded, looking desperate for it.

Chris held his face with one hand, and kept the other low and firm on Ash’s back. He reeled Ash in and kissed him tenderly. Ash opened for him almost immediately, pliant and warm beneath his touch. Chris tried to put it all into the kiss, every thought, every emotion, every ounce of desire he had to keep Ash this close for all time. Ash used his free hand to span the length of Chris’ neck, thumb stroking over the bob of his throat in a steady rhythm.

Chris broke the kiss to press their foreheads together for a moment. Then he pulled back just enough to see Ash’s eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered, letting his heart lead him. “So fucking much.”

It was a moment Chris wanted to keep with him for the rest of his life. Ash’s eyes flew open as he pulled in a surprised breath and his pupils dilated, turning warm brown into brilliant black. His lips parted just slightly in shock as a riot of emotions raced across his face, close and clear enough for Chris to see in startling clarity.

“Really? You do?” Ash breathed, so quiet that Chris wouldn’t have heard him had they not been only an inch apart.

“I really do,” Chris replied, letting his mouth shift into a crooked smile.

Ash surged into him, kissing him with a ferocious energy that had Chris breathless. He kissed with a desperate, needy, joyous mixture that was far too addictive. And Chris could only kiss him back, press him against his body and hold on as Ash stole all the air out of the room with his want.

They were both gasping when Ash leaned back to gulp down some air. There was a brilliant, dazzling light in Ash’s expression that made his whole face radiant. Really, it seemed as if all of him was incandescent in that moment, shining brighter than any pulsar they had ever passed by.

Ash licked his lips and grinned. “I wanted to say it since that first morning, after I watched the way you smiled at me when you woke up. You looked, in that moment, like the rest of my life — the life that _I_ chose.”

Stunned was the only word Chris could think of to describe how he felt. Even reaching for that word was a stretch as the rest of his brain had ground to a sudden halt listening to Ash.

“I love you,” Ash whispered, voice fierce and insistent while his hands were gentle on Chris’ face. “I love you so, so much. You are _angwl’_.”

“What,” Chris managed, throat dry, and then tried again. “What does that mean?”

Ash’s smile was a secret one, a brilliant thing that Chris could share in as he ran a thumb along Chris’ lower lip.

“My beloved.”

Chris was dimly aware that a high-pitched noise filled the air and it took him a moment to realize that he had made sound.

_“Ash,”_ he breathed.

Ash’s name sounded like a prayer on his lips and in that moment, it was one. Chris hauled him in and nuzzled at Ash’s jaw, ghosting his lips over his beard until he could kiss him. Ash licked into his mouth and Chris let him lead, delirious with the knowledge that Ash loved him, had loved him all that time. The sound of Ash speaking in Klingon to him, calling him beloved, was a precious thing and Chris treasured it, committing the sound, the moment to memory.

The next thing he knew, Ash was hauling them both up so he could push into Chris until the long lines of their bodies were flush together. He shoved a leg between Chris’ thighs and drew a broken-off moan from Chris that he promptly swallowed down in a hungry kiss. Chris ground against his leg, body catching fire and threatening to take his brain with it.

“Ash,” he gasped when Ash had pulled off to scrape his teeth down the side of his neck. “Ash,” he tried again when all he got was a deep hum against his skin that made his blood thrum in anticipation.

“Talk to me,” Ash urged him, nipping at the point over Chris’ pulse. “Please, keep talking to me. God, I love your voice.”

“Ash,” and Chris was really losing it, his hand settling in Ash’s hair and holding on for whatever was left of his sanity. “We’re in a turbolift. That will work eventually. Not — oh fuck, yeah, just like that — not the best idea to do this here.”

Ash thumbed over one of Chris’ nipples once more, drawing another reedy sound from him. He mouthed along the line of Chris’ collarbone until he could suck at the perfect dip of his throat.

“We’ve been stuck here a while now. We could be here for hours. I want you, _angwl’_ ; please.”

Ash rolled his hips and Chris gasped, whole body reacting as if he’d touched a live wire.

“Love, fuck, love how that sounds,” he groaned, tugging lightly at Ash’s hair.

“Just for you,” Ash hummed as he looked up at Chris again.

His eyes were dark, irises nearly blown out by the black now, and he looked starving. Chris could feel the heady desire radiating off him and knew he wasn’t far behind. Hell, he’d hiked one leg up around Ash’s hips without realizing it.

Ash’s words were a punch to the gut that knocked him breathless and sent him reeling for the last scraps of a clear, working mind. The way Ash’s thumb was rubbing back and forth over his sternum didn’t help either. Nor did the way Ash’s other arm was wrapped around him, anchoring them together at the hips, snug and perfect.

Chris let out a groan as his head dropped back against the wall. “Okay, but the clothes — ah, ah — the clothes stay on.”

Ash had sucked the lobe of his ear into his mouth, nipping at it when Chris had gotten the first word out and then nipped again when he’d finished. Chris got both of his hands in Ash’s hair and gripped hard this time as he dragged him up for a searing kiss. They rocked together, hips finding a common pace as Chris fucked into Ash’s mouth with his tongue, needing the taste of him more than he could admit with his limited coherence in that moment. Chris was gasping against his lips, Ash’s movements and encouraging sounds dragging him right along in the whirlwind of need he was at the center of.

All the adrenaline from needing to protect Ash, and then practically storming his way through the memory, was like a searing heat pressing at the backside of Chris’s ribs and sternum, hot and insistent. He felt wound up from it, needing to let it all go, needing _Ash_ to be the one to make him let it all go. Every point of contact between them, every soft sigh and tiny whimper from Ash pushed Chris more into that hard desperation.

“Come on,” he urged as Ash dipped down to bite at his neck. “Ash, baby, please. I need it, need you.”

Ash’s legs nearly buckled and he leaned into Chris, the skin of his throat muffling the deep groan Ash let out.

“Fuck, you’re gonna make me come saying things like that,” he panted.

“Don’t stop,” Chris begged as he rolled his hips against Ash and then moaned at the friction.

Ash dropped to his knees in one fluid motion and Chris gaped at the sight of him between his feet, looking up at Chris was a reverent, pleading expression. He reached for the front of Chris’ trousers but paused when the tips of his fingers touched the fabric.

“Please,” he said, voice so deliciously low that it sent shivers up Chris’ spine. “I know you said the clothes stay on, but, Chris, I _want_ — ”

“Yes, oh my god, yes,” Chris said on a rush of breath, nodding jerkily.

What else could he say, what else could he do when Ash was looking up at him from his knees, so pretty in all his disheveled need?

Ash got his trousers open and lifted his dick out, touch light along heated, silky smooth skin. Chris was helpless to do anything else but watch as Ash leaned in and nosed along the length of it, warm breath aiding the rushing fire that Chris felt pounding through his veins. Ash’s eyes were closed, his eyelashes fanned out over the flushed skin beneath them, and from this angle, Ash looked like something fallen from heaven, graceful and aquiline. His features were relaxed as he drew his lips, slightly parted, along the shaft of him, and something in the way his brows lifted gave Ash the air of divine rapture.

He buried his nose in the warm skin of Chris’ pelvis and inhaled deeply, lips curving up into a smile.

“God but you’re beautiful,” he murmured.

The vibration of his words, so near to the base of his dick, shook through Chris with a ferocity that nearly had his knees giving out on him. Somehow, Chris managed to slide a hand through Ash’s hair so he could cup the back of his head.

“Was going to say the same thing about you,” Chris whispered, watching the way Ash colored at his praise.

Without warning, Ash licked a long stripe from the base of his dick to the head and then swirled his tongue around it, lapping up the few drops of precome that had already gathered. Ash’s eyes fluttered open then, those long lashes nearly obscene in the way they graced his cheek once more before lifting up, and he looked up at Chris. Without breaking eye contact, he fit his lips to the head of Chris’s dick and sucked hard.

Chris swore, whole body lighting up at the touch. He brought his hand around to hold Ash’s cheek, to feel the dip of his skin as he bobbed up and down over the head. Ash never looked away from him, gaze steady as it burned Chris down to his marrow and Chris brushed his thumb against the spot where his dick disappeared into Ash’s lips, marveling.

“You’re — Ash, never felt anything like — _fuck!_ ”

Ash opened his mouth and swallowed the tip of Chris’ thumb alongside his dick, tongue pressed firm against both. Chris let out a low moan that bordered on a sob at the sensation as his head tipped back. The sight alone was nearly enough to make him come.

Ash pulled off with an audible _pop_ and fucking hell but the wolfish, satisfied smirk on his face was a good look on him.

“Let me take care of you, _angwl’_.”

Chris was not above admitting that he whined at that. His hands were desperate as they tangled in Ash’s hair once more.

“You’re so good to me,” Chris said, dazed already.

Ash didn’t waste time. He gripped Chris’ hips tight and pinned him to the wall as he fitted his mouth over the head of his dick once more. And then he was sliding down and down until he’d taken all of him in. Chris could see the way his throat worked to relax and his nostrils flared wide as he breathed in.

After a moment, Ash pulled back and swallowed him down again.

“Look at you,” Chris gasped, voice going hoarse. “You’re so beautiful.”

Ash’s fingers tightened on his hips and Chris felt him hum around his dick. The sensation was a burst of blinding heat in his blood, making him pant as though he’d been running. Ash had said more than once, before today, that he loved it when Chris talked to him and it seemed now was no different.

“You take me so well,” he continued. “Just like when you let me fuck you hard and close, the way you like.”

Ash swallowed around him and then bobbed up and down, the slick drag of his lips maddeningly close to what Chris needed to get there.

“I love it when you let me open you up, let me fuck you.” The last functional part of his brain clocked that Ash squirmed, as if wanting that now. “Yeah, I want it too,” he murmured, tugging slightly at Ash’s hair. “Tonight. How about tonight I open you up? Get you all loose and wet so you can take me all in one go.”

Ash moaned again and Chris had to remember to suck in a breath, head spinning from the overwhelming sensation of Ash deepthroating him while he looked completely wrecked and turned on because of him.

“How do you want it, Ash? You wanna be on your back so I can hold you close, watch you come so hard for me? Or — ah, god, fuck — do you want to ride me? Hold me down and fuck yourself on my dick, take what you need from me?” Chris was gasping with every breath now, body careening toward release. “I’d give it all to you, let you fuck me until I come, filling you up so that it leaks out all over both of us. Would you let me stay inside you, warm and soft? Until I’m ready to go again and I can fuck up into you until all you remember, all you know is my name and that I’m — _god_ — I’m yours?”

Chris felt a sob ripple up from his core, overwhelmed on every front. His heart was racing, flaming hotter with the knowledge that Ash loved him, and his mind was whirling out away from his body with the prospect of fulfilling his ideas later. His body though was shaking, coming apart so perfectly for Ash that it was as if Chris had been meant for him all along. And a part of him, nearly drowned out by the roar of his approaching orgasm, knew now that yes, he had been meant for Ash, just as Ash was meant to fall into his arms again and again in every life, every universe, wars and trauma and spycraft be damned. It was the two of them, falling together, holding onto one another, always centered around the other as if by an unseen force, from that first argument on the bridge, to that night Ash crawled into his lap, to here, banishing everything but the present and the dazzling promise of them.

It was that knowledge, coupled with Ash running his tongue along the underside of his dick that sent his release crashing through his system. Chris’ head tipped back as he yelled, the sound rough and pulled deep, pulled from the same place where he knew that he loved Ash and was beloved in return. The sparks of heat and flame that had been pushing at his ribs, threatening to catch, coalesced into a roaring inferno that swallowed him whole. It burned everything away until all that was left was Chris, the touch of Ash on his skin, marking him, and the weight of Ash anchoring his heart where it belonged.

When Chris blinked his eyes open again, he discovered that he was eye-level with Ash. He blinked again, trying to sort out what happened, and Ash let out a quiet laugh.

“You gave ‘boneless’ a whole new definition,” he remarked, clearly enjoying his work.

Chris reached for him and Ash answered, straddling his lap so he could let Chris lick into his mouth in long, lazy strokes to taste himself there. When he let go, Chris rested his forehead on Ash’s and let out a thready laugh. Ash shifted in his lap and Chris could feel him, still hard and waiting to get off, waiting for Chris to come back to him.

“Ash,” he said, thumbing over his still red and swollen lips. “Fuck my mouth?” Ash actually startled at that, and it made Chris break out in a lazy smile. “Please, love, let me take care of you.”

Shaky fingers skated over his jaw and Chris caught one of them, sucking it in so he could tongue at the pad.

“Holy shit,” Ash rasped, voice absolutely destroyed from having Chris’ dick down his throat. “You’re serious?”

Chris hummed in acknowledgement around the tip of his finger. He knew that Ash didn’t like having his face fucked, the experience too close to having no control, no power, and Chris had never pushed. Whenever Ash had gotten his mouth on him, Chris had let him lead, and Ash had always, always made it absolutely spectacular for him. Yet he’d always done the same when it was Chris sucking him down, holding so still as Chris took him apart.

Ash leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his mouth after he’d pulled his hand back. “Tap my hip if you need me to stop,” he insisted before rising to his feet.

Chris knew he probably looked like a mess, hair askew, jacket open, clearly fucked out and happy about it. And he put all of that to his advantage as he aimed a grin up at Ash before licking his lips.

“I’m only sorry I won’t be able to talk to you, tell you everything I want to do with you,” he hummed, trying to sound disappointed.

Ash swore as Chris freed his dick. “Trust me, I’m not gonna last long anyway with everything you said already.”

Ash planted his hands on the wall and let Chris guide him in closer. Chris curled his hands around Ash’s thighs and licked along his dick, until he was gleaming. When he was sure Ash was good and wet, Chris opened his mouth and started to take him in, opting for the slow pace that always drove Ash wild.

“ _Angwl’_ ,” Ash groaned, head dangling down to watch him. “You’re so pretty like that, mouth all red and stretched wide to suck me down.”

Chris kept going until he bottomed out, nose and lips snug against the base of Ash’s dick. He forced his jaw to relax and open up more to accommodate how thick and heavy Ash was. Ash hadn’t been wrong the first time he’d fucked Chris when he’d said he was big, but Chris fucking _loved_ sucking his dick, loved the way it filled him up and made something in him unravel in time with Ash falling apart. He drew back and gulped down a deep breath of air and then another one before sliding halfway back down. He tugged at the back of Ash’s thighs, urging him to move.

Ash began to thrust into his mouth, going slow and with a look of awestruck hunger on his face. He rocked in and out almost gently, giving Chris time to get used to him and the feel of him at this angle. Chris understood why Ash had moaned around his dick; it had been the only way to express how much he was enjoying this without pulling off. He let his eyes fall shut and gave in to the frankly filthy moan he had felt reverberating through his body ever since his own orgasm.

“Chris, oh my god, baby, you feel so good,” Ash babbled as he began to pick up the pace. He groaned and thrust in hard. “Fuck, I wanna come on your face one of these days. Maybe during that shore leave that we talked about. When you’re so full of me, absolutely dripping with my come and can’t take anymore, would you let me fuck your mouth? Let me paint your face?”

Yeah, like Chris _wasn’t_ going to moan at that prospect.

“Your face is un-fucking-real, y’know that? So perfect and I bet you’d look even better covered in my come. I promised I’d mark you up, fill you up, and I swear — fucking hell — swear I’m going to make good on it.”

Ash was fucking into his mouth at a harsh pace, hips snapping forward and sending his dick deep into Chris’ throat. Chris could just manage to get a breath each time he pulled back, and he yanked hard at Ash’s legs to encourage him not to let up.

“Gonna fuck you every way I know how and then some,” Ash promised. “I’ll bend you over and fuck you so hard you that you can barely walk after.” He dropped a hand from the wall to cup Chris’ cheek, feel the stretch of Chris’ mouth around himself. “I’ll make love to you for _hours_ , tell you how much you mean to me, until you’re crying my name as you come for me. Oh god damn, Chris, your mouth.”

Ash’s hips stuttered when Chris sucked hard at him and held him there as he looked up, letting Ash see the full force of his desire. Chris wanted to pull off and tell Ash exactly how on board he was with that plan, and how he wanted Ash to fuck him until the stars fell out of the sky, but he wasn’t about to let go of Ash now.

“So close, _angwl’_ ,” Ash moaned when he saw Chris’ face. “Can I keep going? Just a little bit more? Just a little harder?”

Chris did his best to nod and Ash shuddered as his dick slipped deeper for a moment. Ash caressed his face once more and then let go, bracing himself on the wall with both hands again. He rolled his hips forward and quickly worked back up to a dizzying pace all the while soft sounds fell from his lips, little moans and quiet gasps that floated along Chris’ skin until he was warmed all over, as if Ash were pressed up against him.

“Never want this to end,” Ash finally gasped, his hoarse voice cracking on the last word. “You’re mine and I love you and I never want this to end.”

Chris tried to telegraph to him by rubbing his thumbs along his thighs in a soothing caress that it wouldn’t end. He squeezed his legs, hoping to convey, _You’re mine too, y’know._

A broken moan fell from Ash’s mouth as he rocked forward, hips jerky that close to his release.

“My beautiful _angwl’_ ,” he babbled, eyes hazy but focused on him nonetheless. “My perfect _tIq_.”

That was the last coherent thing Chris understood from him. After that, Ash slipped into his first tongue, the deep syllables of the Klingon language filling the air around them. It was only a few more thrusts into the wet heat of Chris’ mouth before Ash gave a low cry and fucked in hard one last time. Chris felt the salty taste of Ash filling his mouth and he swallowed it down as fast as he could. The flavor was something he could never get enough of, like the earthy, dark scent of Ash’s arousal. He had both now and greedily drank them down, savoring the feel of Ash shaking apart over him, his broad back blocking out the light and throwing his face into stark relief. The nearest light created a halo around his dark hair and Chris was struck once more with the unearthly beauty of the man he loved.

Spent and letting out one final moan, Ash pulled out of his mouth and dropped heavily to his knees before falling into Chris’ arms. Chris carded through his hair as Ash gasped wetly against his shoulder.

“I’ve got you,” he said once, twice, as Ash’s breathing slowly evened out.

At last Ash seemed to come back to himself. He nuzzled into Chris’ chest for a moment and let out a happy sigh, then shifted until he could crane his head back to see Chris.

“Hi,” Chris murmured, smiling down at him.

“Hi,” Ash said, barely audible. “I love you.”

Chris kissed his forehead. “I love you too.”

“Never gonna get tired of saying it,” Ash hummed before his jaw popped on a yawn.

Chris cuddled him close, sated at every level, warm and happy with Ash in his arms. “And I’m never going to get tired of hearing it.”

They were quiet for a time, content to just breathe together. Ash, despite his height, managed to curl himself pretty effectively into the space of Chris’ embrace, small and safe in the circle of his arms. Chris laid his cheek on top of Ash’s mussed hair with a giddy grin on his face.

“You think Reno ever got the warp core fixed?” Ash asked finally.

“I think so,” Chris responded. “We’d finished the manual repairs and she was working on the algorithm when I popped up here. It’s been long enough, I think, that I bet she’s got us underway. I’m surprised they didn’t hail me before jumping to warp though.”

Ash glanced around and then patted at Chris’ hips. “No communicator.”

“Never mind then,” Chris laughed. “Does anyone actually know we’re in here?”

“Nhan knew I was on my way to the bridge,” Ash replied, fingers rubbing back and forth over Chris’ hip. “If she was able to, I bet she sent an engineering crew to rescue us when I didn’t show up.”

“You, not us,” Chris corrected. “She wouldn’t know I’m here, though I bet Reno and Tilly figured it out.” He let out a quiet chuckle. “I can’t believe I missed seeing the unicorn.”

“The _what_?” Ash laughed, incredulous.

The turbolift gave a hard shudder, the floor and walls vibrating around them and then the familiar sounds of the lift resuming its course met their ears.

“Oh shit,” Chris said.

“Well, fuck,” Ash blurted out as they both scrambled to their feet.

Chris tucked himself away and got his trousers in order while Ash did the same. He didn’t bother to ask how long until the turbolift spit them out onto the bridge. It never took more than a few minutes to get from the security office to the bridge and Ash could have gotten stuck within seconds of his destination.

He was just reaching to zip his jacket together when the lift came to a stop and the doors opened onto the bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-- chapter title is from "[lay your head on me](https://genius.com/Major-lazer-lay-your-head-on-me-lyrics)" by major lazer and marcus mumford (and is yet another song in my ash/pike playlist).
> 
> \-- listen i have the "fuck until they can't stand while on shore leave" fic in my outline for this series and it WILL get written so help me. hands up if you want them on some beautiful planet alternating between fluff and smut and sometimes both at the same time.
> 
> \-- "tIq" translates to "heart" in klingon because ash is a secret poet and giant softie like that.


	4. you got us listening (so what you gonna do?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bridge crew find out about Ash and Chris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry; the bridge crew love their captain and their spy. It's a happy coming-out, I promise. No angst or awfulness here. <3

Saru, Michael, Nhan, and the rest of the bridge crew were all gathered around the captain’s chair and turned toward them with worried looks on their faces. Chris shoved a hand through his hair and attempted to zip up his jacket casually.

“Thanks for getting us out of there,” he said in a calm voice. “We were starting to climb the walls.”

“Or each other,” someone snickered and Chris _swore_ it was Nhan. He flicked a glance at her and noted that she was biting her lip and clearly trying to keep a straight face.

“We are relieved to see you are alright, both of you,” Saru said smoothly. 

Chris felt the warmth of Ash standing close to him and felt calmer for it. They were near enough that they could have tangled their fingers together, but he resisted the urge. 

“You knew I was in there?” Chris couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“That was my fault,” Nhan offered, and why on earth was she apologizing, Chris wondered. “When Tyler didn’t show up and we realized the lift had broken down, I pulled up the security footage to see if he was alright. Thought I might try to affect the lights or something to signal that I had a crew on the way, but, ah, well.”

Michael, bless her, had a slight smile on her face, which put Chris somewhat at ease when several of the crew traded knowing grins.

“We saw Tyler, both Tylers,” Michael explained. “And then you appeared. My brother would approve of that nerve pinch; it was well used.”

Ash sounded like he was having trouble breathing and Chris shifted his weight to one foot so that he was just barely touching Ash, offering silent support.

“I must say, Captain,” Saru picked up the thread. “Your heart is to be admired. Not many would take on a Klingon twice their size, real or imagined, to save someone they love.”

Ash choked and Chris gave up the game at that point. He slipped his hand around Ash’s wrist and felt Ash meet him halfway, fingers holding his in a tight grip.

“Someone I love?” Chris asked, wondering just how much they had seen, or, heaven help them all, heard.

“Well, that’s what it was, right?” This time it was Nhan and she gave them both a studied look. “I don’t know what else you would call that, the way you reached out to Tyler, and the way Tyler just folded into you.”

“Ah,” Chris cleared his throat. “You all saw that?”

Several nodded while others murmured, “Aye, sir.”

Chris wished in that moment that he and Ash were telepathic. Forgetting a fraction of a second too late, he felt Ash’s panicked thoughts at the edge of his mind.

_Not exactly how we planned this,_ Ash pushed at him.

_Are you going to be okay if we level with them?_ Chris sent back.

Ash turned to look at all of them for a moment and then at Chris. He squeezed Chris’ hand once and Chris could hear the smile in his thoughts.

_You always say this ship is like a family. Even if it’s one I’ve caused a lot of trouble with. Might as well tell them now. What have we got to lose? They can’t force us apart._

Chris sensed the fierce devotion radiating off of Ash, something he didn’t need the telepathic link for. He felt the bond dissolve as he turned to look at the crew.

“You’re right, Saru,” Ash said quietly. He lifted his chin as he faced all of them and spoke clearly. “I love him, and he — he loves me.”

Ash was already moving to look at him and Chris gave him a smile.

“I do. I really, really do,” he confirmed, eyes only for Ash as he said it.

“Oh god, I can actually feel my heart melting,” he heard Detmer say, which prompted several of the crew to laugh.

“You’re not the only one,” Rhys replied, practically beaming. “It’s about time they came clean. I thought I’d _never_ win that pot.”

It was only his years of rigorous self-discipline on the bridge that kept Chris from gaping. Only just though.

“Lieutenant Rhys, am I to understand there was a bet surrounding our captain?” Saru enquired in that tone of his that was equal parts curious and gentle admonishment.

“Yes, sir,” Owosekun piped up. When Saru tilted his head at her, she laughed. “What, like you didn’t see it coming when they had it out about the badge and the chair?” She winced and added quickly, “Sir?”

Saru let out a sigh and said, “Well, I guess my intuition was correct, though I am not sure if I would have liked to have been a part of this betting pool.”

“God bless you, Mr. Saru,” Chris couldn’t help but say.

Saru inclined his head in thanks and Chris turned to see how Ash was faring. He was still clutching Chris’ hand tightly but he’d been quiet. Chris saw the reason when he noticed what appeared to be an intense silent discussion between him and Michael. Chris felt his lips turn into a wry smile; it seemed someone else had imagined up a telepathic connection to use.

Leaving them be, Chris looked to the crew and let out an exaggerated sigh. “Well, the cat’s out of the bag, I guess. No going back now.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, sir,” Nhan responded with a grin.

“Uhm, I have a question,” Bryce said hesitantly.

“Go for it, Lieutenant,” Chris nodded at him.

“Isn’t this sort of against regulations? I mean, not that I have a problem with it. I think it’s great. You two seem good together; happy together. But, what about the direct report thing?”

“I’ll let you in on a little secret, Bryce,” Chris said in a conspiratorial tone, “Specialist Tyler is outside my chain of command. I’m sure Lieutenant Owosekun can refresh your memory about my, ah, frank exchange of views with Tyler about it all.”

“Oh god, I’m never living that down,” Owosekun groaned in a good-natured voice as she dropped her head into her hands.

“So he still reports,” Bryce began.

“To Section 31, correct.”

“And therefore he’s outside your chain of command,” Bryce concluded. “Rock on. Uh, sir.”

“Rock on indeed,” Michael murmured, startling several of the crew into laughter.

And with that, the impromptu gathering around Ash and Chris broke up. The junior lieutenants slowly drifted back to their stations after saying how happy they were for the two of them.

Saru said, “I wish you both many long years of happiness together, Captain,” in such a way that Chris swore the phrase came from a more formal rite. Chris could only nod his thanks, too surprised to respond.

Nhan drew near and murmured, “I’m happy for you, sir. Want me to give him the shovel talk in place of Number One?”

Chris laughed, his chest finally loosening its stranglehold on his heart. “God, no, are you kidding me? She’d never forgive us for that.”

Nhan’s answering smile was a little wistful and Chris knew the feeling. They both missed his first officer.

He lowered his voice and asked, “How much did everyone — ”

“I cut the feed once you landed on the floor, holding Tyler,” she replied, tone equally quiet. “By that point, we’d all accidentally seen enough to figure out what was going on.” She pinned him with a smirk though and added, “Don’t thank me for wiping the rest of the footage; just repay me by keeping it to your quarters so I don’t have to wipe any further, ah, adventures.”

“I owe you a lifetime’s supply of Alderberan whiskey, don’t I?” he theorized, chagrined.

She tilted her head as if pondering the question and then shrugged. “Nah, maybe just a few years’ worth of it.”

“Deal. And thank you.”

She gently elbowed him. “Now what did I just say about not thanking me, sir?”

“It fell on deaf ears, Nhan,” he shot back, looking serene.

Nhan rolled her eyes and was smiling as she stepped back to allow more room for Michael. “Alderbern whiskey, Burnham. Make sure he remembers.”

The look that passed between the two of them was warm and Chris could tell Michael was just barely holding back a soft laugh.

Nhan plucked Ash’s hand out of Chris’ grasp and started to drag him a few steps away. When Chris shot her a look, she said, “Oh don’t worry, sir. No shovel, I promise.”

“We need about ten more officers like her on this ship,” Michael commented, clearly amused. When she turned back to look at Chris, she gave him one of her rare, full smiles. “I’m happy for you,” she said quietly. “Both of you.”

“We wanted to tell you first,” Chris admitted. “We’d talked about it this morning, actually.”

“I know,” Michael cut in, and Chris could just hear the hint of laughter. “Ash imagined a psychic bond for us and told me.”

“I wondered,” Chris mused. “Too bad we can’t conjure up those more often once this imagination business is over.”

“No, sir, it’s much more fun to wonder what everyone is thinking than to actually hear it.”

“Burnham, we need about ten more of _you_ on this ship, you know that?” Chris replied. When she looked surprised, he gripped her hand once to emphasize the point and then let it go. “And thank you, for being so understanding. I know there’s a lot between the two of you and you absolutely deserved to know first, in a much more lowkey setting than this. So thank you, for being so gracious about all of it.”

Michael shook her head. “It’s alright, sir. Life is never easy on a starship, especially when warp core experiments go awry. Believe me, Ash already apologized profusely for the, shall we say, overtly public declaration of your relationship.” She placed a light hand on his arm and gave him a surprisingly strong squeeze. “I don’t care how we all found out; I’m just glad that you trusted us, all of us, with the knowledge.”

She glanced around the bridge and Chris did as well. Everyone had gone back to their stations and resumed working as if it were just another day aboard the _Discovery_. And perhaps, in some ways, it really was just another day on the fleet’s premier science vessel. An experiment gone haywire, the crew learning to trust one another, and responding in a calm, wholly unique manner. What a day indeed.

“This is a good group, Captain,” Michael continued once she’d turned back to him. “And like Bryce said, there’s not a damn thing command can do about you two. And with all of us behind you? I’d say I’d like to see them try, but I think we’ve all tempted fate enough for one day.”

“I hear that,” Chris laughed. “Fate, imagination, subspace, inadvertently coming out to my bridge crew. Is it too late to wish up another cup of coffee?”

Michael pursed her lips and squinted.

_Pop._

“Right,” Chris said as he lifted the cup to inhale the aroma of his coffee, “I’m taking you with me when I go back to the _Enterprise_.”

Michael laughed at that, actually laughed, and Chris felt happy down to his core. “Not on your life,” she shot back.

“Is this thing on?” Reno’s voice came through then, interrupting the quiet moment.

“Loud and clear,” Chris called out. “How’s the patch coming?”

“Let’s fire up the warp and get the heck outta Dodge, sir.”

He and Michael shared a silent smile. She squeezed his hand once more and whispered, “Always here for both of you if you need me,” before hurrying to her station.

“Ship is ready for warp, sir,” Detmer called out as the bridge crew jumped into action.

“Communications have been restored shipwide,” Bryce announced, “thanks to Nhan and Tyler doing I don’t even want to know what to my terminal.”

“All ship’s systems are reporting at full strength, Captain,” Owosekun added.

“Detmer, set us on a course for Starbase Nine at warp five,” Chris ordered. “Take us home.”

“Aye, sir!”

The ship jumped to warp and he held his breath, wondering how long it would take for Reno’s fix to pack away all that loose energy back into its subspace pocket.

“Alright, someone on the bridge imagine a unicorn for me,” Reno said over the open channel. Several curious glances were exchanged as she added, “The dear captain disappeared out of the warp core before he could meet the very delightful, very kind unicorn that appeared here an hour ago. I’d hate for him to miss the experience.”

Most of the crew turned to look at him, Ash included, and Chris let out a put-upon sigh. “Don’t ask; just do as she says.”

A moment of silence passed and nothing appeared.

“Well?” Reno prompted. “Any sign of a unicorn?”

“Afraid not,” Chris replied, partially relieved and partially disappointed to have missed seeing the creature. “Does this mean our imaginations are firmly back in check?”

“Oh thank god. Tilly, you can imagine whatever you want now — emus, me in a suit of armor, whatever you want.”

“Emus?” Rhys blurted out.

“Don’t ask,” Chris replied. “Though Nhan might be convinced to play the security footage from the hall in engineering if you bribe her with a bottle of Alderberan whiskey.”

The crew laughed. Chris sipped his coffee. Not a bad day after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-- chapter title is from "[what you gonna do](https://genius.com/Bastille-what-you-gonna-do-lyrics)" by bastille and graham coxon (and yet again another song in my ash/pike playlist).
> 
> \-- i might or might not be thinking about yet _another_ one-shot for ash/pike where some experiment goes awry and telepathic bonds pop up for everyone. maybe. possibly. just imagine the chaos — and ash teaching tilly _mok'bara_ so she doesn't overload her thoughts and those of everyone in the vicinity too.
> 
> \-- did saru just bless them or marry them? either way, it's _adorable_.
> 
> \-- please just take a moment to imagine burnham and spock getting into all kinds of trouble (and adventures) on the _enterprise_. pike would be the happiest (and most exasperated) papa bear.
> 
> \-- tig notaro in a suit of armor. be still my heart.
> 
> \-- later that night, nhan plays the security footage of pike and tilly chasing the emus through the hall and the whole bridge crew laugh themselves silly. best movie night ever.


	5. i would go anywhere you are (your head on my shoulder)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the end of the day, and with all that chaotic energy finally packed away, Chris and Ash get a quiet evening together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And without further ado here is the final chapter! It's a short and sweet one.

Chris and Ash had dinner in Chris’ quarters that night. Ash set his plate on the table by their feet and then leaned back into the couch with a long sigh. He shuffled down and over until he was curled into Chris’ side with his head on his shoulder. Chris dropped a kiss to his hair.

“So Nhan and I had an interesting conversation,” Ash remarked.

“Oh?” Chris hummed as he managed to collect the last of the pine nuts from his plate onto his fork.

“I thought she was going to give me the shovel talk,” Ash laughed. “I really did, despite what she said to you.” He wiggled further into the cushion and knocked their feet together on the coffee table. “She gave me this long stare and then said, ‘You’re good for him, y’know that?’ Out of nowhere. Shocked the hell out of me.”

Chris pushed his plate onto the table and then turned to properly pull Ash into his arms. “I’d like to say I’m surprised, but I’m not. She’s had my back for longer than I care to remember. She wouldn’t say that to you unless she meant it.”

Ash tilted his head up to kiss the underside of Chris’ jaw. “Yeah, I sensed that from her. Was just surprising is all. When thinking about who we might tell, she was definitely at the bottom of my list. She’s protective of you, of the whole ship, and I’m kind of the resident black sheep if you haven’t noticed.”

“Not the resident black sheep, just the resident black badge,” Chris retorted, earning a groan from Ash.

“You’re ridiculous,” he said, poking Chris in the ribs.

“Yeah,” Chris laughed, “but you love me anyway.”

Ash rolled his head to look up at him and Chris felt the air leave his lungs as a slow smile spread over Ash’s face, warm and easy, just for him.

“Yeah,” Ash hummed, “I love you.”

Well, Chris just had to lean down and kiss him for that.

When he pulled back, he sighed. “I’m sorry about how everyone found out today. I know it wasn’t what you wanted or what we’d talked about.”

Ash slung an arm over his waist. “It’s alright, really. Everyone knows, no one gave me — or us — shit, and it all turned out okay. Better than I could have hoped for, honestly.” He ran his fingers idly over the hem of Chris’ sweater. “It didn’t go according to plan, but it all worked out okay.”

“Welcome to life on the _Discovery_ ,” Chris replied before letting out a yawn.

“Yeah, but at least it’s our life together,” Ash said as he pulled the nearby blanket up over both of them.

Once it was draped around them, Chris buried his face in Ash’s hair, smiling. His heart felt full and he knew Ash could feel the grin. “Yeah,” he whispered, both of them edging toward sleep, “yeah, it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-- and it'll be their life on the _enterprise_ tooooooooo.
> 
> \-- chapter title is from "[moon rider](https://genius.com/Jai-wolf-moon-rider-lyrics)" by jai wolf and wrabel (and is one of — kid you not — 200 songs in my ash/pike playlist).
> 
> \-- next up is a fic centering around the events of "if memory serves" (the talos iv episode).

**Author's Note:**

> \-- I finally outlined just how many fics I'm envisioning for this series. Eighteen in total. Eighteen! Quite a few tie into each episode of S2, starting with Talos IV. The rest are smut, fluff, and hurt/comfort (specifically around Boreth). I promise that these two get a happy ending, no matter what the time crystals showed Pike.
> 
> \-- An update on the fic where Ash brings his son to the _Discovery_ : It's over 15k already. I have no idea when it'll be finished, but the fluff in it is spectacular.
> 
> \-- All of your comments are so, so appreciated. Each one on the previous two fics in the series have absolutely made my day each time and been a huge motivation to keep writing about these adorable idiots in love.


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